Please, help

[ConfusedBi]

Hi, I prefer not to give my name so just call me confused.

Anyway first of all I like girls and I have had sex with a woman.... but my bisexual tendancies seem to be getting stronger, I have never had sex with a man (and I have had the opportunity) but I keep having fantasies about it, I started occasionally looking at tranny sites when I was about 15, for some reason it just turned me on but I never started visiting gay sites until I was about 19, I felt really bad about my self the first time I did but I was very turned on but until the last couple years it was mostly lesbian sites (which I still visit but alot less often now)

Up until about the age of 20 I was mostly into girls though and that's when I met my first girlfriend, me and her were nothing alike but I was with her for a year, she cheated on me twice, the last time was about a week ago and I broke it off with her.

I got angry at women and lately I have really been craving men and especially TS girls, no one knows that I'm confused, It's really affecting my confidence to the point that I take pills so I can better interact with people and hide my sexuality, although it's not always easy, when something gay is talked about on TV and someone is in the room I sometimes turn red, when I do I get really scared they will find out who I really am.

I think alot of people are suspicious and I'm scared because I don't want to be rejected, especially by my father, when he and I were younger and still to today we would make fun of "fags" of course I don't actually have a problem with gay people but I always pretend I don't like them so people won't know who I am.

Well up until today I always just dismissed my sexuality, what changed was the fact that I got really interested in this guy I talked to at college today, he had all the traits I wanted from a "perfect woman" (except he wasn't womanly, just average in his masculinaty) I only talked to him once but we talked for like an hour and I actually missed half my class to keep talking to this guy! (because I had never met ANYONE who understood me so well and who I had so much in common with) This is the first big time crush I have had on a guy (in an emotional way) he is really smart and the only person I have ever met that has all the qualities I want in a partner (he's so smart, cute and nice) the only difference is that I always expected I would find tihs in a woman, not a man.

I exchanged email's with him and he took my phone number for some reason I completly trusted him, more than anyone I have ever met, I don't know if he's gay or straight but he seemed to like me alot (at least as a friend, I can't tell if he was attracted to me or not) in terms of body language, he made great eye contact and was coming really close to my personal space (like really close to my face, I backed away just a little bit because I didn't kow what to do) I told him I had low confidence because there were things I didn't like about my self (but I didn't way what) and he said I should just love my self, also said I had a high intillect, it made me feel really good.

I've never really crushed on a man in an emotional way, just always sexual. (and it's almost never a man I know, it's always guys on the internet)

He said he would call me and email me, now all of a sudden I'm feeling like I want to be with this man (at least once) and I always made a vow I would never be with a man in that way!

He seemed really open minded, he said cultural norms mean nothing, is that a hint?

I'm terrifyed and excited at the same time.

1. Please please help me cope with the stress of pretending to be someone else everyday, It's destroying my life!

2. hypothetically if I were to come out or at least secretly be with a guy how would I do this. (I really just want to try something in secret, evan if it's not with this guy)

3. Do you all think this guy is gay/bi? and do you think he might like me, or was flirting with me?

PLEASE HELP, I'M SO CONFUSED MY LIFE FEELS REALLY SCARY RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS (evan though I don't really act gay at all, if someone met me they would think I was an average straight guy)

IF I PRETEND TO HATE GAYS (I REALLY DON'T PLEASE DON'T BE MEAN TO ME) WILL IT COVER UP MY SEXUALITY? OR IS IT LESS SUSPICIOUS TO JUST ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE?

I'm sorry I'm typing in caps, I'm just really upset and scared, PLEASE PLEASE HELP!

[Kat]

What's the worst that can happen if you're honest with people? You loose a few friends and family then you go make new friends if you want them for whatever that's worth. Friends aren't really friends most of the time anyway so just be who you are and if you get a friend good, if not oh well that's how life is.

It's better than being scared and hiding and hating it isn't it?

[ceez]

Sexuality is a very confusing thing, in this situation I would just go with the flow becuase if it doesn't turn into a romantic relationship then you still gained a great friend. You have to try to relax though, no ones going to suspect you're gay unless they catch you with your tounge in another guys mouth and even then the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind.

Your sexuality is exactly what it is though, the majority of your attraction is with women with a minor attraction to men and ts women. It's perfectly fine, there's nothing wrong with you just the people around you. Actualy I think it's great you gave him your number, I met I guy like that in college and my dumb ass let him get away without exchanging numbers, I didn't catch on to his hints in time.

[princealbertofb]

For people who can honestly swing both ways, as you seem to be implying, sometimes it doesn't hit you until you really meet the RIGHT person. The right person might be a woman, or might be a man... After all, maybe you don't need to label yourself, or your love. Let it happen, if it makes you happy and,as Ceez said, go with the flow. For some people, as might be the case with you, it's not the other person's gender that counts the most. It's the fact that you connect entirely with them. If your new friend is ready to give it a shot, then maybe you should try to be honest with him. As for your current girlfriend (if any), you have to let her go, if your interest in her is not so profound.
Once settled, you'll know you've made the right choice. You'll feel it inside (and out).

[George]

You ve made a persona which is what you show to the rest of the world instead of who you really are most of us i think we ve been in the same situation in our process to come out.
The good part is that you really know who you are, now its time to face it.
Most people really dont care about yoursexuality unless you give them a hint and being that against of "fags" it could be one.
About that guy it seems that person makes you happy even if that was for short period of time and asking for you mail and phone number he wants keep in touch which seems as a begning of a friendship or even better of a relationship, but you never know, so dont hold your expectation up high just be glad that this person makes you understand that you can have a crush (in an emotional way) with someone of the same gender. Its like he opens your eyes. So go with the flow and enjoy it.

p.s. Those who really love you and care about you unconditionaly will be right next to you no matter if you are with a guy or a girl as long as you are happy.
Best of luck!

[Rainbowmum]

I agree 100% with PA on this one.

Some times it takes the right person regardless of sexuality.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Your are paranoid. only a few of us can read your mind, and those of us who do read minds - we tend not to do it often. This is to say that unless you do something obviously gay, no one in your life has a clue.

That stress exists because you need to deal with the underlying cause. I would no more tell you how to hide from that than I would give a meth addict a bag of speed.

You need to start working on 'this' that affects you and come to some internal agreement. Denying it exists or hiding from it will not resolve it. Sorry.

As for this guy, who knows? There are not secret signs that say a person is LGBT - the only way you will know for certain is if that person tells you.

Lastly, no body likes to be rejected, but we will be rejected, often over the course of our lifetimes. No not by everyone, so we have to take the risk over and over again and hope for the best but prepare for the worst. No it never gets easy.