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Anonymous · 03-09-2015, 06:59 PM

I don't usually enjoy hook-ups, either from not being able to get it it up or, if able to achieve this, have trouble achieving orgasm. I have many theories as to why this is, including the fact most of sexual encounters tend to be off the apps like Grindr.

But what I miss the most is the intimacy, the touching, the exploration of bodies. It seems like most guys just aren't interested. My usual experience is them just taking their clothes off casually (no slow teasing of clothes coming off, no strip teases, things that turn me on), and half the time, they either just sit back waiting to get sucked off, or just Jack until they're satisfied. Unfortunately, I'm rarely sastified.

My old sort-of boyfriend was very sensual; he'd love talking to me about my soft skin, he'd massage my legs and feet, talking dirty while we kissed. That was hot.

Is that "out" and unhip now or something?

Dying to get a guy who'll make love to my body and tell me things to make me smile. Hooking up is so empty for me. Are men just disinterested or am I doing it wrong? How do look for signs of a sensual man?

03-09-2015, 07:17 PM

Some people just aren't into hookups yeah? Nothing wrong with that. Some just need a little *more* out of it than a hook up can provide.

Hook ups aren't usually about sensuality and exploration. Their about getting your rocks off and moving on. It's just the nature of the beast (the "beast" being hookups themselves, not men).

If you're not looking for a relationship, you might find an arrangement such as "friends with benefits" will work better for you.

LJay · 03-09-2015, 07:31 PM

Meet the person for coffee and do a little getting to know each other first. You might have better luck that way.

03-09-2015, 07:33 PM

Well, here's the thing I'm not understanding.

Quote:My usual experience is them just taking their clothes off casually (no slow teasing of clothes coming off, no strip teases, things that turn me on), and half the time, they either just sit back waiting to get sucked off, or just Jack until they're satisfied.

It sounds like you're pressing buttons to make a guy appear it your room (or to appear in theirs), and then just hoping against hope that things will work how you want them to.

If you want something, you'll probably need to get proactive and specific about it. So on grindr, you probably should say "I'm looking for a full-on sexual experience, with a slow removal of clothes, body exploration, and a lot of kissing". When you start a conversation with a guy, reiterate all of that. "I'm looking to do a lot of making out, a lot of body exploration. Are you OK with that?" What you're looking for is somebody to respond not just positively but eagerly - "Yeah, I love doing that". You don't want "yeah, yeah, are you gonna suck my cock or not?"

Lex

meridannight · (Edited 03-09-2015, 08:40 PM by meridannight.)

when i looked at the title of this thread i thought i was so gonna love this subject, since i think men are the most sensual beings in the universe. i could fill pages on this topic of men and their sensuality. even when it's a casual hookup, it can be a very physical experience.

i think that the personal chemistry between you and the other guy influences it. i'm a very physical guy and i love to touch and make a guy feel good, but i can't say that i am sensual with every guy. i don't want to touch every guy and i don't want to be that intimate with every man. there are guys i just don't feel it with. with them, yes, it's get off and goodbye.

it's also true that some guys are colder to the touch than some others. i've met a rare number of such guys. a couple of them who had difficulty with physical intimacy were either straight or deeply closeted and inexperienced.

otherwise, i can't complain. i haven't really had a problem with this. the guys a bit ''colder to the touch'' have been a minority in my experience. i can only remember two (as quoted above), the rest of my partners i wouldn't think of describing as ''non-sensual'' (then again, i don't think i am attracted to less physical types to begin with. if there was ever a common denominator to guys i find myself attracted to, it's that they're all physically very expressive. i know the physically dry types when i see them, and there's no pull between them and myself. so, maybe there's something to that there as well). and then, i haven't had that many sexual partners. i've had stable partners over the years, and they were obviously guys i was sexually compatible with. and what amazes me, is the way men need physical intimacy, how expressive they are with skin-to-skin contact, and how well they do it without even thinking about it, by just following their instincts. it is amazing and powerful to experience that. it's one of the best parts about being with another man, no doubt.

so, in my experience, men are exquisitely sensual and physically very expressive. it's been one of the defining qualities in my interactions with men close to me. and i absolutely love it. both ways, to be on the receiving end of it, and to do that to another man myself. one of the best things in life.

03-09-2015, 10:30 PM

^ From my distant past...this is what I remember of most of my casual hook-ups. Only a couple were pathologically fixated on jizzing and then bolting.

Borg69 · 03-09-2015, 11:49 PM

Anonymous Wrote:I don't usually enjoy hook-ups, either from not being able to get it it up or, if able to achieve this, have trouble achieving orgasm. I have many theories as to why this is, including the fact most of sexual encounters tend to be off the apps like Grindr.

But what I miss the most is the intimacy, the touching, the exploration of bodies. It seems like most guys just aren't interested. My usual experience is them just taking their clothes off casually (no slow teasing of clothes coming off, no strip teases, things that turn me on), and half the time, they either just sit back waiting to get sucked off, or just Jack until they're satisfied. Unfortunately, I'm rarely sastified.

My old sort-of boyfriend was very sensual; he'd love talking to me about my soft skin, he'd massage my legs and feet, talking dirty while we kissed. That was hot.

Is that "out" and unhip now or something?

Dying to get a guy who'll make love to my body and tell me things to make me smile. Hooking up is so empty for me. Are men just disinterested or am I doing it wrong? How do look for signs of a sensual man?

Some people eat to live, and some live to eat. Those apps are drive up Windows for guys just looking to scarf down something on the run. If you want a sensual 7 course meal, you're going to have to give up the fast food and hold out for the 5 star restaurants... which means making a reservation, dressing up, waiting in line, paying more, and leaving a good tip.

You're not going to find cloth napkins and candle lit ambiance at McDonald's.

Barefoot · 03-10-2015, 12:04 AM

I just have to say that without touching and sensuality, I wouldn't be interested in having a sexual encounter at all. For me that's the best part of the banquet, The orgasm is just the topping on the dessert. Sensual touching and caressing is just so very, very important to me. It's what I'm most looking for. And that is written in stone somewhere.