I've got no problem with my son being gay, and although I don't shout it from the roof tops I don't hide it either. I've not had any negative feedback from any friends that know.
However, my mum & dad would not be too pleased (to put it mildly) if they knew. I've skirted round the issue of "has he got a girlfriend yet" but just saying he didn't have one, but how long can I keep this up?
They live over an hour away so we don't see them that often but I facetime them at least once a week. My 5yo is aware that my son has had a "friend" to stay and knows they slept in the same room I'm just worried she will inadvertently mention this to them. I've got no problem with her actually knowing that D has a boyfriend, after all she has a friend her own age that has two mummies and is not bothered in the slightest. I want to bring her up knowing that any kind of love is acceptable.
Really not sure what is best, they are both mid 70's in age.
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If you have to say anything, just tell them that he's dating a few people but isn't ready to settle yet. I don't understand why people think everyone has to be in a relationship all the time.
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You need to talk to your son and ask him whether he wants to tell them or whether he'd like your help with this part of his coming out.
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When you come out, you experience a sense of fruitfulness and relief. No longer hiding what becomes a larger and larger part of your life (as you age), and a sense of not having to worry about people knowing about that part of your life...it truly feels great. But, everyone should do this on his or her own terms. I would only tell them should your son ask for your help. If he decides that he would like to tell them, give him time and allow him to do it on his own terms. The last thing you will want is for him to feel as though you took this from him.
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^ No. I didn't think so.
But maybe he's like to have you there when he tells them himself....or maybe he'd like you to pass it along for him.
My own thinking is that the former would be better. He should confront their reaction head-on without having their reactions funnelled or distilled through your experience. I suspect they will reconcile themselves to him being a homo much faster and easier if he is in the room when they hear about it.
But you know them best.
Good Luck!!!!
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I have to agree that there is a good bit of conversation that needs to go on between you and your son before the grandparents are involved. If they are told, it certainly needs to be from a united front. Is there a Mom involved? Are there family membes on her side also? Are there possible negative repercussions from the grandparents? Have you really discussed gay issues in general with them or just gotten reactions? I do not envy you and your son. Good luck.
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I never told my maternal grandparents. Grandpa would never have understood it, and grandma had dementia, so there was no point in telling her.
My paternal grandmother knew, but not from me, it got to her through the family grapevine. LOL It resulted in a phone call from her that still gets told at family gatherings. LOL
You and your son need to realize some things. Yes, he should have a say in who knows at this stage, however, at one point, it will become something you really can't control, and it will spread.
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Unless he has given you permission to out him, then no, you shouldn't tell them. It might change how he is treated, and that's completely unfair to your son if he's chosen not to let them in the loop on this.
The "he's dated a few people but he just doesn't seem ready to settle down yet" is an excellent answer to their question. If they keep asking for details, brush it off or direct them to him with something like "if you want to know about those he's dating, maybe you should try asking him about them. He knows them better than I do".
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Bring it up to your son. He may not even realize his grandparents ask about his social life, as you folks live far away from them. Let him know that they are inquiring about it and that you can't keep skirting your parents forever and come up with a gameplan.
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