So where do i go from here?

[zeon]

Hi All,
I have got a little issue i figured id put to the room as it is bothering me loads and does create some anger inside that i dont want to be there because it concerns one person who im ment to love and respect loads...

Recently i have discovered that my mum has spent what i would call my investment.. To put the story straight ive discovered that when my dad left my mum when i was two months old as my mum was getting close with other guys he decided to tell her that when she sells the house or anything happens if she lives there his half of the house is to be split between the two boys they had together which is me and my brother..

Now my mum a year ago went and upgraded her house and moved onto bigger place which would mean that when it was sold it went for £180.000 and she bought one valued at £210,000 which would mean that she was technically only intitled to £90,000 and me and my brother get £45,000.. I know the source i heard it from in the family have fallen out with my mum over my sister getting into a relationship with my cousins boyfriend (very fucked up but hey welcome to my world) and i dont know if this is bitchy or not because surely when they were talking it would have been honest and open.. Now my relative that i got this from is one i trust loads and know wouldnt lie to me but i dont think she would lie over this.. I want to consult my father but the only problem is his not really the kind of dad to go hey son lets ave a chat and ill be honest about it all he would rather stay in the dark plus with my past i have some vent building there he sort of allowed to happen but thats a different story...

I spoke with my boyfriend about this and he told me i should inform my mum that i know and talk it through with her and if it is true and has been frauduantly taken then she should sell her house to pay me my dads money and my brother his money.. I know if it was true i couldnt wish to break up my mothers happiness despite the money making my dreams come true like getting new windows for my home as mine are in dis repair and breaking, sorting out my damp problems, paying off my debts, going abroad, getting new flooring and more importantly getting my home painted and decorated as its a mere prison at the moment with no funds to maintain it along with me being able to go abroad for the first time ever in my life...

I dont want to be angry but my mum seems to be very selfish at the moment and becoming more greedy with things like she turned round to my boyfriend last time we visited and said... Why dont you move in? Then stated to me that one day when my boyfriend is on a good wage he can move in and you can do what you want to do together.. I thought to myself... Thanks mum im earning more than my boyfriend and supporting him and loving him as he is.. I dont care if my boyfriend has a million in the bank or not because money doesnt impress me but all my mum is thinking about recently is loads of money money money thoughts... I usually make a months shopping last ttwo or three months and spend roughly £30-£40 on smart price foods at asda and trust me it isnt easy nor fun eating just pasta on its own for dinner but hey life goes on...

I dont really know how to approach it plus dont know if its worth it because as much as i need the money to sort out my life and fix the 15,000 of debt my ex partner robbed and left me with... I couldnt see my mum on the street like i would be if i gave up... I was told that i need to get a new car by my mum and constantly nagging i did which didnt help and then when i ran into difficulty she wouldnt let me move back home even though i was in tears through stress and strains and told to go live with my boyfriend but he rents a room and ive got a flat...

I mean is it normal for mothers to suddenly turn and tell their kids to go bankrupt and not help when they need help most to benfit what i can see as helping ones self to her sons future......
#
im just confused a lot at the moment so any advice would be nice...

I have finally accepted that my parents along with my family is so fucked up that to me... My friends are now my new family as my friends support me and at thge moment im looking along the view of... As long as i got my five most important things in my life ill get there,. My job my car my dog my boyfriend and my home all of which combined remind me of the new me im fighting for....

kindest regards

really confused aunty zeon

xx

[Aeneas]

tricky, tricky....

what does your brother think about all this?



you don't know if the source is 100% accurate - in fact, given the resentment or whatever negative feelings your family has towards your mother it could very well be false.

so you can't really "talk it over" with your mom. you could ask her, but she will naturally want to know where you got that idea from and might dismiss it as poison from your family.

how's your relationship with your mom?


at the end of the day, the way i see it, you and your brother will inherit that house in the end. yes, 45k is a nice extra to have in the bank but you, at 28, have far more opportunities than a single mom has at what? 55? and you don't want to spoil your relationship with your mother over money. she raised you, she fed you, and i presume she'll take you in if you are left without a roof.

tread carefully is my advice.


EDIT: ok i read it over and it seems your relationship with your mom isnt as good as one would hope.

heh, well, its you or your mom it seems.

who do you love most? what will make you sleep easier at night? and talk it over with your brother

[zeon]

Helolo Aeneas,
I agree this is tricky. I havent spoke with my brother as he lives in denmark and he has a worse form of ADHD to what i do and talking to him can be like trying to get bloody out of a stone... I dont know if i would ever get the proper information as my mum in the past has changed her views on my dad over the years and various stories and i just accept them as them really.. My relationship with my mum is good i would say she supports i am gay and treats my boyfriend like her own son in a way but since my debts started to sink me a little i have noticed a different side to her as she encouraged me to get rid of my last car as it was me and my ex's and get my new car even telling me to get in it in the show room and saying things like you would be a lot happier with this i can see that smile inside u wanting it etc... Then on the next note i ask for help as my step dads mum has £1,000,000+ in the bank and would lend my mum the money to lend me if i need it to repay back but of course thats too easy its money i guess she wont get as she wont help me out as her mortgage is paid for and her shopping every week is paid for...

I have two sisters also and out of my dads money me and my brother would loose out as the current house worth 200k would mean we get 50k a pc when mum passes which means i end up loosing 30k as original sale isnt applicable here.. My mum at the moment is 49 (one of the young mums in this world lol) I know in july 2010 when my rented place was re possessed my mum didnt welcome me back home and said she has no room yet my bedroom was filled with a rat cage and a few pieces of paper so for ten weeks i slept in laybys with my ex boyfriend out of a peugeot 206 using public toilets to get ready for work and taking my washing to my friends houses to get it cleaned because all my wage was going on takeaways and petrol to find places i wouldnt get moved on by the police...

I just feel in a catch 22 as ive been homeless and it is very scary very depressing and when u spend a night not realising a car park your in is a dogging site that is something that isnt good...

l dont really know whats what and if im honest i havent seen my mum for three weeks and not missing her which is sad as i should be

[HomeagainNYC]

I don't know about the way it works in the UK, but in the States unless someones wishes are written up in a divorce decree, or ordered by the Judge, it would be a very hard case to make - either in court or to the people involved.

Your Father, who you don't want to approach, would be one of the only two people to know the absolute truth in the matter. The other being your Mother.

You seem to have a up and down relationship with your Mother and if what your relative has told you is true - your Mother seems to have a selective memory issue. As you say the relative has some issues with you Mother, not an iron clad source.

Either way I don't see you coming out on top (with getting the money) in this matter.

as it is bothering me loads and does create some anger inside that i dont want to be there

My best advise to you is: let it go for your sake, it has the potential to do you a lot of personal damage. It's very tough to carry around this type of baggage,I know from personal experience.

when i ran into difficulty she wouldnt let me move back home even though i was in tears through stress and strains

I mean is it normal for mothers to suddenly turn and tell their kids to go bankrupt and not help when they need help most to benfit what i can see as helping ones self to her sons future......

I think your Mother has established where she stands on helping you, perhaps in the future that will change.

My friends are now my new family as my friends support me and at thge moment im looking along the view of... As long as i got my five most important things in my life ill get there,. My job my car my dog my boyfriend and my home all of which combined remind me of the new me im fighting for....

That is what you have control over - your own point of view - it sounds like a solid one - keep fighting - since we are the only ones to make "our dreams come true".

[Rainbowmum]

Aunty I would just talk to her about it , you have nothing to lose.

If it is true then ask her if that term follows into the new residence, in other words when she passes God forbid , it applies to the house she currently owns.

[MisterTinkles]

You need to talk to a lawyer, and FAST.

Most lawyers will give a free consultation, so you can call the local lawyers who deal with property and land issues to see if they give free consultations.

Dont talk to just one, find as many as you can that give free consultations. If you find one that seems to be interested in your case, then you can see if he will do what he can to get you and your brother your money.

I think its very shitty of your mother to upgrade to a better home, and leave you and your brother in the dirt. I had a mother that was EXTREMELY self centered, if anybody ever did anything, it was for HER benefit or not at all.

Talking to legal counsel will at least give you some information on the matter, whether you have one help you out or not.

You might even check with the local LGBT organizations to see if they have any lawyers who can help you out with your situation.

But, if you have anything in writing, this will help you and your brother. If this has all been verbal over the years, then you will probably have to have at least 3 witnesses step up and back up your claims, otherwise you wont have a case.

Good luck.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hi Aunty Z,

Although you may be reluctant to do so, I would suggest a talk with your dad is in order, otherwise your only working with hearsay, despite how much you may trust the source. Your brother will not be a reliable source, as like you he was probably too young to have any knowledge of the agreement if there was one.

The most important thing is to find out is (as Missing NYC has mentioned) whether this "inheritance" has any basis in law. If its not in a legal document somewhere, signed and witnessed accordingly, then Im afraid you have no legal basis to stake your claim on, despite what may or may not have been agreed between your Mum and Dad all those years ago.

Going straight to your dad would really be the quickest way to at least get the story straight.

At least that way you will get a clearer indication on how to proceed, if indeed at all.

The bottom line is that your mum may have done nothing wrong in the eyes of the law, but it has the potential of driving a wedge between the family if not handled sensitively.

Good Luck,
ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Let me try to play Devil's Advocate here.

Seems to me she is turning around and reinvesting your money in more or higher income property. Granted currently it is a loss of investment, but considering how low the prices of houses have gone, there is no doubt in most investors minds that now is a good time to buy property (houses) at near steal value and sit on them for a decade or so as the value of the house is bound to go up as the economy finally recovers.

This is a long term investment, and Mum knows your history with money and sees this as a better way to get a return on your investment so when she finally kicks it, you will be left with a tad bit more than if she handed you 'your share' today, which you have already spent in "bad choices" (the ex was a bad choice, look what happened).

Eventually mum will die. It happens to all of them. Hopefully it will be a long way off if you love her and she is nice, hopefully not so long if she is the Wicked Witch of England... But I would have little doubt that she plans on leaving you something in her will, which if this house becomes liquidated then that something will a far larger inheritance than what you would see today.

From your second post it seems Mum is trying to instill in you a bit more self reliance in some of her advice. I think she would rather you handle this 'minor debt' in a way that will benefit you in the long run instead of you spending your inheritance to clean up this mess.

She may be going about it the wrong way, Mum's ain't perfect. However she most likely is trying to balance your needs of today with your needs for the future as well and may actually be painfully aware that she isn't going to be there at some future time and may worry that you will need money more after she is gone than you do today.

Ultimately I do not know what is really playing out in her head, This is all me trying to argue for her case to give you a little food for thought.

[cardiganwearer]

If she sold the house it must have been hers to sell otherwise whoever bought it, particularly if there was a mortgage involved, would not have paid out for a house on which someone else had a claim. If your father still has a claim on the house, which seems unlikely after all these years, then he must have agreed to the transaction. The issue can be resolved by finding out whose name was on the deeds, this may be difficult now since the house has changed hands. It is highly likely at this stage that the house was your mother's alone and she sold it legitimately. You might be able to find out something from the solicitor who did the conveyancing for the sale. Though it's most likely protected by client confidentiality you may get them to disclose whether your mother's was the only name on the title.

Whatever the wishes of your absent father, if the house is hers you and your brother have no claim on it unless she gifts it to you, which may have consequences for inheritance tax and will certainly have consequences if she ever needs to claim means tested benefits or need residential care in her old age. Even if she does that, no cash is released and if there is a mortgage on it she won't be able to anyway.

You can take legal advice, which will cost. Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help but from what you've said I suspect they'll only reinforce my view that the (undocumented?) wishes of a father who has been absent for so long and, it would appear, has no financial stake in the house do not count for anything.

Whatever you believe or whatever the actual circumstances you need also to consider realistic outcomes. Presumably your mother is not in possession of funds to help you out. Would you wish to make her homeless or have her raise money against her house to help you? By your own admission you come from a pretty disrupted background, do you want to add to that tension and confusion or break the cycle?

The house is most likely to end up with you and your brother in the fulness of time provided your mother makes appropriate provision in her will and doesn't find the value gobbled up in care home fees (on which the government is about to put a cap, which may be in place soon enough to offer some protection.). Jumping in feet first with what would appear from what you have said to be claims with little legal foundation may jeopardise even that, for you and your brother.

I am not a lawyer or a financial adviser; if you act on my advice the responsibility and consequences are all your own.