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Some quickies to offend everyone
#1
Q) What is a Yankee?
A) The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q) What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
A) The position of the dirt bag

Q) Why is divorce so expensive?
A) Because it's worth it.

Q) Why is air a lot like sex?
A) Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q) What do attorneys use for birth control?
A) Their personalities.

Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A) 10 years and 45 lbs

Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
A) 45 minutes

Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A) Through his chest with a sharp knife

Q) Why do men want to marry virgins?
A) They can't stand criticism.

Q) Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A) Because those men already have boyfriends.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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#2
ba-dump-bump X 10
I bid NO Trump!
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#3
Want another facepalm? Rofl Rofl Rofl
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#4
I really wanna know where the hell you find all your stuff.
So I can torch the place.

Hahahahhahhahaaaa
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#5
This made me giggle. For a long time. Unstoppable.

Seriously though.

Stahp me...
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#6
It's like Londoner gets up every morning wondering, "how many stupid jokes can I post in GS this morning before one of them throw a burning bag of dog poop in my window?"

He knows juuuuuuuuuuuuuust how far to go without inciting violence.
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#7
Some of these can be very handy if you have a naughtily minded ten-year-old to entertain, you know.
I bid NO Trump!
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#8
OMG 2 and 4 nailed it! XD
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#9
Now that the world is so politically correct, I can only tell these jokes on myself, so...
How many white anglo-saxon protestants does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to fix the martinis and the other to go call the help.

I'll stop now. Don't want no burning dog poop thrown through my window. My dogs would it eat it, and I'm trying to break them of that.
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#10
I love it Londoner....screw any dicktaters.
Heart  Life's too short to miss an opportunity to show your love and affection!  Heart
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