The American Dreamer

[Darius]

Deadheart, I am worried about you. Are you still using drugs? You really need professional help to work through more than how you feel about this guy. I know that you have it bad for him and you know that you need to move one, but you haven't really done that or you wouldn't be telling us about him.
Please, man, get some help. Read what you post and you will see how your thinking is seriously distorted on so many levels.

Let us know how you are doing, ok?

[Anocxu]

Deadheart...

Your world is not real,
You are not living..
Simply existing till the next time you use .

How can we give you advice when you can't tell the difference between hallucinations and reality?

First and foremost ...
You have to check into a program..
You have you get some help.

There is no getting better till you sober up..

Bath salts,
Flakka , (bath salt times 10)

The drug feeds on your subconscious mind..
It manipulates your darkest thoughts into. Massive hallucinations.

Reading your posts its sad to see you trying to get help, with little knowledge of what's real or not.

I really wish I could do more..
I wish you had a sober, non judgemental friend or relative (educated on this drug ) available to just sit with you..

Think about giving up the drugs...
Is's your only future to a fair chance!

[deadheart1]

Yeah, I don't have a single person I can talk to about any of this without it sounding like I'm just some stoned out washed up junkie who can't decipher whats real. I am in Intensive Out patient, but this is a little to in depth for their cup of tea. I appreciate you all though

[Darius]

Yeah, I don't have a single person I can talk to about any of this without it sounding like I'm just some stoned out washed up junkie who can't decipher whats real. I am in Intensive Out patient, but this is a little to in depth for their cup of tea. I appreciate you all though

We are a friendly bunch here, mostly. So, keep talking to us. But the advice you get here will not be professional, however.

Let me suggest that you keep your posts more simple. You give an awful lot of information in one post. It's a lot to digest. Break it up and let's deal with one thing at a time.
It's important that you keep talking. At the very least, it might help you to organize your thoughts, which seem very muddled at the moment.
Surely, someone in your care system should be able to connect you with the appropriate health care professional who can help you. If you don't deal with these issue (not just drugs) what will keep you from relapsing?

Don't be silent, keep talking to us, deadheart.

[deadheart1]

Also I would like to add, it's not like I care to feel like this about anyone to begin with.. there isn't a want or need for it. It's just there. To talk about it probably makes it appear like I care, but more so too care understand it. That is the only desire I don't want to even want to have to desire. Just Escaping it, while accepting it? Like I know it's there.. and it's there for a purpose.. But the purpose remains questionable. That's all.

[deadheart1]

There was literally a point where I didn't even care to get high and don't even have the craving too, it was just to be around him while she was pregnant and they weren't talking and yeah.. It's a sick situation, which I very much agree, but can see it for what it is. People can be more of a drug then a drug itself.

[deadheart1]

At this point all I can do is better myself, and attempt to make better choices in what I do with my time. Which I know, but there is a lingering sickness that I gave myself from him, not only physically but spiritually. Which is my fault, absolutely. I own it, and have no shame, just plagued with the haunt. I don't know what else to say I guess..