Tired of my boyfriend talking...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Understand he is who he is. This talking thing, that is who and what he is. Just like my long meaningful silences are who and what I am. I dislike people forcing me to talk and change to meet their ideals, no doubt he ain't going to be none to happy to change who he is to better meet your ideals.

The problem with demanding silence is that way to often silence comes, and it grows, and becomes a resentment, and then one day you are finding yourself screaming at him 'Why Didn't you tell me this before?!"

So lets take demands off the negotiation table.

Instead you need to phrase this along the lines of 'When I come home, I am exhausted, I need time to reengergize and get my mind finished filing the crap from the day'. Then you can decide on a fair amount of time where he doesn't ask too many questions.

In return, on your days off you give him time to talk your ear off. Yeah compromises can be a bitch.

This way you give something and he gives something and it doesn't feel like "you are trying to change me". Well you are, but we are doing it an adult way instead of a childish demanding way.

I bet that this talking thing was an endearing and cute personality quirk back in the day of loves first blush.... This is the problem with love, it leads to insanity and we find stupid shit cute and adorable for the short term, then one day we wake and and realize that that shit ain't that cute.

So you have to take that into account somewhere in there.

[meninlove]

BowynAerrow said, "I bet that this talking thing was an endearing and cute personality quirk back in the day of loves first blush...."

lol, I was thinking the same thing..

However, this part,
" This is the problem with love, it leads to insanity and we find stupid shit cute and adorable for the short term, then one day we wake and and realize that that shit ain't that cute."

I think what really happens is people forget WHY they found it was cute and adorable etc. A psychologist friend said this forgetting is one of the reasons relationships fail.

Anonymous, it's about negotiating. Do some. He's in love with you. You're in love with him. You can both make this good.

[Borg69]

Relationships are "give and take", and compromises. If you're not willing to compromise and put in the effort to be a team, are you sure you really want a one on one relationship?

[azulai]

You do need to discuss things with your bf but you sound annoyed right now so I would wait a bit. Maybe approach it more from your needs (to recharge, to unwind, etc) as oppose to his behavior. He sounds like he's very excited to spend time with you and probably doesn't realize what he's doing. Maybe help him understand that you want to listen but you are just not at your best as soon as you get home?

My bf and I are both introverts yet I tend to need more solitude then he does. He knows this now so that after spending time with my very LOUD family, or returning from a party or hanging with friends, it's just understood that I need to recharge. :biggrin: We also trade massages.

I don't know if this would help but I found taking a long hot shower as soon as I get in from work helped me unwind and disengage from work. I run in the mornings but there are days where going for an evening run also helped. .

I hope things work out for you both.

[50Plus]

Adorable and cute are qualities that are great at the start and can quickly wear on one if there is nothing else but them.

How is your relationship outside of the coming home from work period? Did you use to like his talking to you?

[Anonymous]

Our relationships are good, he's very dear to me and he's very sweet and caring guy. I want to be together with him. He has never been quiet. I always knew he likes to talk and I can't really say I've ever liked it very much, because I'm quite introvert myself and I don't like to share my feelings, but before we started to live together, his talking didn't bother me. Probably because we weren't together so often.

I maybe wouldn't mind if he'd talk about something. But he's just talking about various random things, jumping from one topic to another so fast that I cannot possibly follow his thoughts. That just makes me crazy.

[jimcrackcorn]

If his obsessive talking is the only thing he does that irritates you,,,, then count yourself lucky!!!

What you do when he is in one of his jabber-jaw moods is grab him tightly around the waist (in a loving way), and tell him you'll squeeze the life out of him if he doesn't shut up..... Then give him a kiss, and explain that he's driving you crazy with all the constant chitter-chatter . If you tell him nicely, in a way that won't offend him, he may try and limit his chatter a little. Always be up front with him when his chatter becomes annoying. Eventually he should learn when to take it down a notch.

If you can't break him of this annoying habit, you may have to learn how to tune-him-out (ignore) his ever constant chattering..

Good Luck,
Jim

[Uneunsae]

If this is his personality then doing things like "grabbing him around the waist and telling him you'll squeeze the life out of him if he doesn't shut up" is not going to work for very long. This is who he is and how he needs to express himself. He needs to do this as much as we introverts need to NOT do it.

I would hate to live with someone I constantly have to "tune out". What a sad way to live with a partner. And that will catch up with you real fast, as soon as he realizes you're not listening he's going to feel miserable and resent you for it. He wants to be listened to.

If it makes you crazy then there's no way that this is going to end up without any resentment or hurt feelings. You can't just tell him to be quiet and expect that to happen.

[jimcrackcorn]

If this is his personality then doing things like "grabbing him around the waist and telling him you'll squeeze the life out of him if he doesn't shut up" is not going to work for very long. This is who he is and how he needs to express himself. He needs to do this as much as we introverts need to NOT do it.

I would hate to live with someone I constantly have to "tune out". What a sad way to live with a partner. And that will catch up with you real fast, as soon as he realizes you're not listening he's going to feel miserable and resent you for it. He wants to be listened to.

If it makes you crazy then there's no way that this is going to end up without any resentment or hurt feelings. You can't just tell him to be quiet and expect that to happen.

Thanks for your input to my post, but I respectfully disagree.

Be Happy,
Jim

[ChadCoxRox]

Being in relationshipping is more than having a relationship. If you find a way to communicate about each other's needs and work together to meet those through compromise, growth and mutual regard then you CAN work through this. It does require ability to communicate effectively, not ability to chatter.

I agree with jimcrackcorn in finding a creative and loving way to break the ice and get full on REAL about the matter. I also agree with Uneunsae that if you do not intend to work on it then it will drive you apart.