What being gay feels like sometimes.
It's like a war, between what you know and what you want to believe and you're always caught in the middle. You're lucky if you can get away from it, even just for a moment. A moment that will be always cherished. But it always rushes back over you like an artic wave. Sending you spirally downward into an unexplainable depression. Everywhere you look you're reminded of the fact that you can't have what you grew up to cherish and love. To have what a normal couple would have.
You can't go out in public without having discrimination left and right. You can't openly express you feelings for your lover without discrimination. Now I know I'm only fifteen so what do I know of having a boyfriend in public? Well nothing, but this is what I've gathered, weather it's true or not I don't know.
It seems that no one understands. Understands what it's like to live your worse nightmare. What's worse; living your worse nightmare, or realizing you can't run from it anymore? It doesn't matter how many people say they're okay with it, it always feels like I'm being judged very second I'm with them... Even if they don't know. Statements that sound so hollow  pulling the trigger by mistake but realizing escape. Blood flows and you're reminded that you're still human and still feel something... That you're not some abomination to man kind that should be put down as quickly as possible to stop the taint from spreading.
God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I think the nightmare might diminish with self acceptance
Make your own dreams come true , don't try to live up to others expectations or societies view of what is "Normal".
As you get older , you will have many choices in front of you, and many causes to fight.
The wisdom is in picking your battles , and ignoring what does not fall into your world.
Believe it or not time does change things .
When I was in my teens, it was illegal to be gay , they used to throw you in jail .
Hundreds and thousands around the world joined forces to fight for that right to be yourself and free.
One battle at a time sweetie.
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I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Pisces
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I know a lot of people on this site know exactly how you feel. when you realize what it means to be gay and all of the baggage that comes with it, it feels like your heart is being ripped out. I don't really have any words of encouragement right now, just enjoy the good times when they come.
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"When I was in my teens, it was illegal to be gay , they used to throw you in jail ."
Some days that just seems better, at least then you'd know who the gay people were and you could actually talk to them instead of feeling like the only gay person the the planet
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I agree with what Mum said. You are going through a process. What you feel and what family and society expect of you are contradicting each other, but you have to resolve this for yourself, but you don't have to do it alone.
As for "When I was in my teens, it was illegal to be gay, they used to throw you in jail.'
Being a teen in those exact times and feeling exactly what you are feeling right now, I would rather be you. For one, there was no internet and no GaySpeak.
I was bashed almost every day for 3 years, gays were murders for being gay...REGULARLY...there was ZERO tolerance for gays and lesbians, there was absolutely nowhere to turn, no one you could trust, not even family.
You do not want to believe for a second that you would be better off feeling like this in the 70's and 80's because you would literally have no hope.
Today, you not only have a light at the end of the tunnel, you have a million suns at the end of the tunnel....you have us 
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SadSilence Wrote:"When I was in my teens, it was illegal to be gay , they used to throw you in jail ."
Some days that just seems better, at least then you'd know who the gay people were and you could actually talk to them instead of feeling like the only gay person the the planet
Sweetie , my heart breaks for you , you are never alone , there are so many members here , that can relate to you and can help you through the dark days.
I have two sons , one gay one straight ,it breaks my heart , that they have not got the same rights.
They both pay the same taxes , but are not entitled to the same rights , it is so unfair , that is why I am still fighting to change that.
We are all here for you, sweetie .
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Rainbowmum Wrote:Sweetie , my heart breaks for you , you are never alone , there are so many members here , that can relate to you and can help you through the dark days.
I have two sons , one gay one straight ,it breaks my heart , that they have not got the same rights.
They both pay the same taxes , but are not entitled to the same rights , it is so unfair , that is why I am still fighting to change that.
We are all here for you, sweetie .
And I will be fighting along side Mum so that your future is full of more positives.
You will never walk alone
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I'm a person who accepts all outcomes. None of us know what lies ahead, especially me, blinded with all the hormones -_- you say You'll fight to make sure that I have a future full of possibilities but who says there'll be a future? I don't, I never do because I accept that I'm capable of anything, capable of commiting the most selfish act anyone person can commit. But I do not say there won't be a future either because there might be... A future full of happiness and possibilities
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The future is only limited by your imagination and determination, there is nothing standing in the way of you having a future besides you yourself.
There is a future, and the more of us that stand together, the better that future will be for all of us, and those of future generations.
Look to the past to see how bright ours and your futures are, we are literally ALL about to carry our partners across the threshold of marriage...that IS the future
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Well first of all just calm down and look at life. What do you like about it? What do you look forward to in the future? Having a family, a home, a car, a college degree? Whatever it is, just envision it. Now envision it as a future where no one cares whether you're gay straight or bi. Guess what kid; that future will come true soon enough  Our generation doesn't give two shits and if you keep holding on, before ya know it the fossils who are against us will be in retirement homes or too old to be vocal against us and equality will truly blossom for all
If you ever need someone to talk to in anyway, me and a whole bunch of other people are here for you ok. Don't ever feel as if you're alone. hell Id give ya my phone number if ya wanted to talk. Ive done it before and Ill do it again. If you feel alone, I can spare an hour or two of my time to talk to ya, but stay strong ok? <3
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