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What's the percentage of latents out there?
#1
I'm a latent myself - 25 years old, and only now accepted myself as gay.

Doesn't get any more classic than my story.

I'm sure my dad is gay, and so is my brother, but they'd probably blow their brains out before they admitted it. Was raised Catholic, sex in itself was something of a hush-hush thing, let alone homosexuality. By some miracle I was never really homophobic (as opposed to my brother and dad), happened to get a good job away from my family, happened to meet some great people (mostly some of the girls that I was with before I "came out" to myself), had time to grow and reflect, and therefore gained the freedom to understand and accept myself.

Personally, it's been great - I still haven't even kissed a man, but just finally letting emotions and thoughts flow freely in my head - it just feels great!

But one thing is really freaking me out though. Once I recognised my own gayness and, more importantly, the world of lies and just general debility I had created in my head as a way to ignore the fact that I'm gay... I started noticing it all around me!

It may just be the company and business that I'm in - software engineering (where I'm sure it's 99.99% of your average level engineers), but even outside that immediate society, it seems to me that anywhere between 50-90% of men, depending on where you go, are really latent homosexuals.

I'm sure my gaydar is not yet fully operational since I literally _just a few weeks ago_ came out to myself, but it can't be that much off. What do you guys think?

But what's even more important - I feel that I can also tell you which of my ex-girlfriends were straight and which we're also latent. It almost feels that with them, the "love" we felt was really the safety we both felt from the generally-homophobic society by imitating a relationship, and a means to fool ourselves, to run away from our true nature.

I've told it to some of them, and they of course blow me off as crazy - but in their responses I can see the same exact lies that I used to live.

My intuition says, that even though I don't (at least yet) have a good "lesdar", it can't be just the men ... there's just a certain type of workaholic / in relationship with a latent homosexual / single in their 30ies / not even trying to date / etc, women that just strike me as good candidates ... what do you girls think?

It seems general knowledge nowadays between open minded people, that there's a lot more of gay men out there, and that that's what a lot of the homophobia is rooted in. But what about you, girls? What are your "lesdars" telling you?

This happened to be more of a question than an introduction Smile Anyway, glad to be here, hope we can have some fun here Wink
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#2
That's an interesting thing. I'm 23 now and I'm really trying to figure my sexuality out, and I'm curious, with all your previous heterosexual relationships, did you enjoy the sex? Have you completely ruled out the possibility of being bisexual?

I know that I for sure have some sort of latentcy around myself, but I don't yet know if that means that when I can and do embrace it, I will be completely gay, or if my heterosexual endeavors still mean something? Ah, I don't know about your percentages or any of that, but it is interesting when the walls come tumbling down and you can realize how far off from reality you have been. Pretty scary actually. Ah so much confusion right now.
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#3
But one thing is really freaking me out though. Once I recognised my own gayness and, more importantly, the world of lies and just general debility I had created in my head as a way to ignore the fact that I'm gay... I started noticing it all around me!

Congrats on your realization but I have to caution you.....

...here is an age old bit of wisdom for you to consider...

"What you see outside of yourself is often a reflection of what you see inside of yourself"

That is the ultimate spiritual truth but like everything else...day to day spiritual truths in practice are often messy and hard to follow and sometimes impossible to understand.....

As you just came to a realization you are a "latent" you dont' quite "own" it yet because coming to terms with your sexuality comes in stages...like peeling an onion... so it turns into "projection" of something inside of you to people outside of you. You recognize parts of yourself in other people and come to the conclusion they are latents as well. Once you get more comfortable inside your own skin this will fade.

I have been openly gay since probably a sophomore in HS and I worked in a gay bar for 20 years nightly and pretty much have spent an entire lifetime amongst gay people...and I have no gaydar....zero...zip...nada...the only time I know someone is gay is if they tell me they are gay.

Consider this: I never had a problem whatsoever admitting I am gay and it is a complete non issue for me...I have other issues thoughBiglaugh...and I view myself as an individual who is gay rather than a gay individual...so the way I see other people around me is that they are individuals first so it may be a factor why the gaydar just doesn't kick in for me.

Does that make any sense?Biglaugh

Those are all just my beliefs and opinions and my intention is to offer you some insight and/or something to consider...doesn't mean I am right. Take what you need and leave the rest and enjoy your journey!
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#4
Hi Skitty!

I know exactly how you feel. The only answer I've found for myself is to look deep inside, and I usually find the answer waiting for me there - just quiet that little voice of your ego, that keeps saying "I want to be like this", "I want to be like that" or "I can't be like that, please, anything but that". Whatever is left, whatever you truly feel in your gut, that's who you are.

Being totally honest with you - right now I don't believe in _true_ bisexuality. You're either straight or gay, whatever you do with it is just a statistic. As I said, I don't have much experience, but the "bisexual" people that I've met so far have simply been gays in denial or trying to live another life. True bisexuality might exist, I don't know, I just haven't met anyone like that, who I'd believe.

Personally, I think I did enjoy heterosexual sex - you still get to share an intimate moment with someone, you still get to cum Wink But what I've realised now is that _true_ attraction and _true_ lust for me exists only for men. So I believe I'm gay. I still might have sex with women, but I know it's a different thing. Would I enjoy it? Most probably yes. Am I bisexual? Statistically, yes. By _true_ nature? I don't think so.

Now for me that was hard to accept - because of the culture that I grew up in. That might be the case for you too. Here's where I found courage to face it:

imdb.com/name/nm0000008
imdb.com/name/nm0000015

Recognise them? Two of the greatest and most iconic actors ever, both queer as hell. And both were _loved_ by the ladies, and both took advantage of that, in one way or another. Brando even had a family, and nine kids, as far I know. A more recent example:

imdb.com/name/nm0362766

Someone who has embraced his homosexuality, been married, has a kid, seems to be a great person and a loving father. And an awesome actor too.

What I took from these guys for myself was: don't be afraid of who you are. Embrace it. Understand it. But don't let just one thing fully define you. Just be aware of what you really feel, not just sexually, but in every important aspect of your life. And make choices based on that. Not based on society's prejudice - not the one that says that you can't be gay nor the one that says what you must be like if you are gay. Understand that you are a real, living, feeling human being and your basic right is to strive for a happy life.

If you feel like talking more or if you just need someone to listen, send me a private message.

P.S. Check this out too: itgetsbetter dot org
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#5
Sure that makes sense, East, I sometimes feel the same way. I guess only time will tell.

I'd actually prefer if you were spot on, it'd give me a little more hope for the world - not because there'd something wrong if more people were gay, but because I wouldn't like to think that a lot more people are in the kind of self denial that I was in.
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#6
Welcome! Wavey
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#7
Personally I've been dating only girls so far and I'm 20. Recently I've discovered some sort of emotional weakness for men and it made me curious. I'd like to embrace it but I've got no idea what it is yet. I'm so happy in a heterosexual relationship, good sex, everything's just great. But something tells me I could be even happier in a homosexual relationship, this I can't tell for sure since I've never been with a man, I'm not ready for it. Dunno how, but, there's a big but in here, homosexuals or bisexuals or bicurious people or lesbians or whatsoever can feel you, and it's so weird! I went to the bank two days ago, had some problems with my credit card and the guy who was supposed to help me, started flirting. If I were to tell this to a close friend they'd say I'm totally crazy, but I could see it, even if it wasn't that obvious for the people around me.
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#8
in 1948 and 1953, Alfred Kinsey came up with the 10% number. Current thinking the number is lower.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=20601

if people are so way off on the number of men that affirm they are gay think how impossible it would be to determine the number of men in the closet.

if the gay population is indeed 2% and twice as many men came forward out of the closet as there were total initial gays, the number would be 4%, still a tiny part of the population.
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#9
There's one theory I love; six pack of beer and any man is gay lol. Get enough alcohol in them and Im rather certain they wont give a shit who goes down on them or what hole they're going into
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