09-17-2015, 07:47 AM
So a friend of mine told me that he accidentally offended a trans man. Heâd met a new group of people on campus and one of them was trans. He didnât know this at the time, heck he didnât even know most of their names since theyâd just met. But at some point he referred to the trans man as âsheâ, and from that point on he got really quiet and the atmosphere was more awkward. After they left, one person from the group told my friend that that person was trans and my friend probably offended him. He felt bad, but honestly, how was he supposed to know at the time? He told me that even though the person was trans, he really didnât look the part. He had a fairly feminine body, a feminine face, and a feminine voice. The only thing that could be considered masculine was his very short hair. Iâm not sure what else my friend couldâve done aside from straight up ask, but that could also offend someone because what if they werenât trans and he just insinuated that the person looked like they could be.
This also reminded me of a time when I was hanging out with a gay friend. He told me that he had a roommate whoâs always out. His roommate had a typical boy name and heâd refer to him as he. So of course, I figured his roommate was a guy. But one day, I actually got to see himâ¦.but just about everything about him screamed female to me. Like with the situation my friend got in, this guyâs only real masculine feature was having short hair and wearing typically masculine clothing. But he had a feminine voice, a feminine face, and clear breasts (or man boobs??). I was tempted to ask, but I decided not to because I didnât want to offend him. If he wasnât trans and was just a guy from birth, I wouldâve insinuated that he looked like a girl. If he WAS trans, I might also insinuate that his transition from female to male is obvious. I guess if he identifies as male, thatâs all that should matter and I can just call him a he. But sometimes itâs difficult for my brain to process that information in split second situations. If I see what looks like a guy or girl, my brain registers it as such and âhe or sheâ comes out of my mouth. So sometimes I worry that I might slip up.
I really wonder what a person is to do in situations like this. I know appearances doesnât define oneâs gender identity, but how is someone supposed to tell when meeting for the first time? If you met someone who mostly had a traditionally feminine appearance, I think most people would make the connection that theyâre female, like my friend did. But what do you do when they actually identify as male and you have no idea?
This also reminded me of a time when I was hanging out with a gay friend. He told me that he had a roommate whoâs always out. His roommate had a typical boy name and heâd refer to him as he. So of course, I figured his roommate was a guy. But one day, I actually got to see himâ¦.but just about everything about him screamed female to me. Like with the situation my friend got in, this guyâs only real masculine feature was having short hair and wearing typically masculine clothing. But he had a feminine voice, a feminine face, and clear breasts (or man boobs??). I was tempted to ask, but I decided not to because I didnât want to offend him. If he wasnât trans and was just a guy from birth, I wouldâve insinuated that he looked like a girl. If he WAS trans, I might also insinuate that his transition from female to male is obvious. I guess if he identifies as male, thatâs all that should matter and I can just call him a he. But sometimes itâs difficult for my brain to process that information in split second situations. If I see what looks like a guy or girl, my brain registers it as such and âhe or sheâ comes out of my mouth. So sometimes I worry that I might slip up.
I really wonder what a person is to do in situations like this. I know appearances doesnât define oneâs gender identity, but how is someone supposed to tell when meeting for the first time? If you met someone who mostly had a traditionally feminine appearance, I think most people would make the connection that theyâre female, like my friend did. But what do you do when they actually identify as male and you have no idea?