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What would you guys think of this "friendship"?
#1
I've made this topic before, but I have an update.


So I had a very, very weird friendship. We're both guys, born in America. We met each other almost 2 years ago, but I didn't enter his circle of friends until 4/5 months into knowing each other. He's a touchy guy but he's touchy especially around me. At first I thought he was really weird, and then I would ask myself "if I think it's so weird, why do I let him touch me like this? I should admit that I like it" and then I eventually grew feelings for him.


It all started when he asked me to hold my hand one day as we walked to the car with a group of friends, and I accepted.


He tried holding my hand another time, when we sat next to each other in the car. A song was playing, and he tapped my leg, and then grabbed my hand. This went on for 5+ minutes until my friends commented and said how weird and gay it is, and then he said "Yeah this is weird" and then I tried letting go, and he grabbed my hand back and held it. And another time, we were watching a movie. He told only me to sit next to him on the couch. During the movie, he tried to slickly hold my hand numerous times, and he would also yawn and stretch so he could put his arm around me. And a few other times he's tried to hold my hand.


And during a hangout, he once said "Holding hands is base one," which is weird, even as a joke. And another time, we were watching a vine and he said to me "oh, get it, these guys are gay because they're holding hands." Aside from that, when there's music on he would try to grind on me (and I wouldn't grind back) and even when it wasn't the proper music, he would slow dance with me, and only me. At a dance I went to, my date (a girl) pulled me aside to tell me that "he wants you really badly, he's been staring at you constantly and he seems way too comfortable around you." When we went on a weekend trip together and I was in bed, he came up to me and kissed me on the forehead and said "goodnight." There's been another instance where he kissed the back of my hand.


And there was another time where I was behind him in the car and I was bugging him by touching his face, and he grabbed my hand, rubbed his face, and then kissed the palm of my hand twice, then turned it around, and then kissed the back of my hand. And he randomly grabbed my hand and rubbed my face again.


In terms of other ways he'd be touchy, there have been times where he would just turn around, ask me a question like "how's studying going?" and then caress my face, my mouth, and my beard. He's put his arms over my shoulder a lot, and there have been numerous instances where he's just grabbed me and held me.


At hangouts he'd follow me around and make me accompany him everywhere, including the bathroom. Even if it's a one-person bathroom. And he'd say things like "if you've ever wanted to look at my penis now's your chance" or say "best piss ever because I was with you." And sometimes when I would go away for literally a few seconds to throw something away he'd say things like "you think you can escape me?" or "where do you think you're going, huh?" with a smile on his face.


And when I intentionally ignore him, or I'm not paying attention to him, it's blatantly obvious that he scratches his face and looks at me for a quick second or stretches to look at me. And sometimes I can just see him staring at me for many, many seconds. Hell, sometimes during sleepovers, when I'm on the floor, and he's on his bed, he'll be facing my direction and I guess staring at me, because right when I wake up he'll turn around in the opposite direction.
And speaking of sleepovers, we slept next to each other one time, in the same bed, and we would lightly be touching (ass to ass, or legs next to each other, etc.) and sometimes he would use me as a head rest, and when we woke up he smiled and hugged me while we were still in bed. And when guys who slept over in another room were talking about morning wood, he said "I think I had an accidental boner too, didn't you?"


And in terms of our friendship, we'll just always flirt. We'll stare at each other and jokingly say "I know my face is beautiful but stop staring." Or we'll constantly tease each other. Sometimes when we're sitting across from each other we'll mouth words to each other. I'll be the mean one and say "I hate you" and he'll smile and say "I love you." And one time he was across the room, and he whispered my name. I turned around, and he blew a kiss at me. I blew one back, he grabbed it and rubbed it on his mouth. And even when I'll be mad at him and he won't know why, he wouldn't ignore me. He'd try his hardest to get my attention and to be nice so I'll snap out of it. There would be days where he'd just constantly try sneakily staring at me. Other times he'd still approach me and ask him to come with him somewhere even though he knew I was avoiding him. Or he'd just smile and butt into another conversation I'm having and say "I love you," etc.


Speaking of saying "I love you," it's realistically about 20% of his vocabulary towards me. A lot of the time, when I'm not saying anything, he'll randomly say "I love you." I'll be talking to another friend nearby and he'll just butt in and say "Oh. I love you." Even sometimes when I jokingly say something mean he'd say "God I just love you. I love you so much." And one time when we were about to go to bed at camp, he'd say "I love you." I said "what?" And he said "I love you." And I didn't say anything. And he said "I love you." I didn't say anything back and he said "pft... Jerk" And then a few seconds later he'd say "(my name), I LOVE you, alright?" And sometimes he'll yell it out as him and I are leaving and say "bye (my name)!!! I love you!!!"
And in terms of hugs, they were extremely romantic and we hug all the time. He'll hug me for zero reason a lot of the time. Sometimes he'll just be standing somewhere and I'll pass by and he'd grab me and pull me and hug me. Sometimes I'll be talking to another friend and he'll just walk up to me and hug me and say "this is going to be a long one." And our hugs are full body, cheek-to-cheek. And sometimes they'll be weird.

I'll be sitting, and he'll be standing and hug me how we are and then he'd look down and I'd look up and we'll be smiling. And another time, I was just sitting and he came up to me and said "has anyone ever hugged your face before?" and he wrapped his arms around my face and rubbed our faces while smiling.


And there was one time in particular where we were having a small conversation and then he just gestured for us to hug, randomly. And then while we hugged, he said "I wish I could just be in your arms forever." At that hang out, we constantly hugged for a good 15/20 minutes, and purposely hung alone inside the house while the others were outside. And after that, our hugs would be longer. If we hugged for less than seconds and I'd let go, he'd say "no, that's too short." And hug me again. And sometimes if I reject a hug he'll just say "no." and forcefully hug me.


And in general we've had many lingering touches and little play fights. If our legs are glued next to each other one of us won't move it until a while has passed, and if our arms are on top of each other or next to each other we won't move it until after a while. And there have even been instances where he's hugged me, then looked at me and then tapped my face, my shoulder, and then my arms, and then slid down my arms slowly before hugging me again.
And in terms of weird things he'll say to me... early on, when we just became actual friends, he'd ask me stuff like "if you could make out with one guy, who would it be?" about two times. And then two times, he asked "if you could make out with one guy in this group, who would it be?" And then another time he said "making out with (my name), I wonder what that feels like."
And another time we were having a pillow fight and he hit me twice, then dropped his pillow and hugged me. A few minutes later he said "If there's one guy I would want to watch getting head, it'd be you." One time we were staring at each other and he said "why do we always have so much sexual tension?"

And then when I tried bringing it up at another hangout he said "don't try to change the subject." And there was one time around 6 months ago where I was hooking up with a girl, and when I wasn't in the room, he went up to the girl, and asked her "is (my name) a good kisser?" She ignored the question, and then he said "well there's only one way to find out" and then he leaned in but she rejected him. And while we were making out he would throw lit cigarettes at us. Everyone knows this happened but he denies this ever happened to this day, and it was about 5/6 months ago.


And as for more weird comments, one time we were just talking and he asked "what if I was gay and in the closet and I came out to you? How would you react?"


And one time, he was just playing a game and I was watching, and for a few minutes he would just constantly say "(my name) I love you" and I wasn't saying much, or anything at all. And then he looked at me and said "sometimes, I just want to love you." And sometimes he'll just be weird. He'll say "oh I've never noticed that mole on your face before" and I'd say "oh, great..." and he said "no I like it, it's cute. I love you."


And one time he couldn't finish his burger, so he gave it to me and he said "finish it." And I said no, and he said "eat it. Eat it or I'm going to have sex with you.... okay that was weird."
And he pretty much always tries to be controlling and protective... exactly like a dominant boyfriend would act. And there have been so many times where people have asked us "so how long have you two been dating?" And our guy friends have constantly asked us "are you guys gay?" "what the hell? (when we're hugging or staring or talking)" "will you guys just make out already?" And yeah, even when we hug, people will say "what the hell?" "what the **** was that? (sometimes we'll hug when we're both sitting down and he'll do something like rest his head on my chest and rub my stomach)" "well that was interesting..." "I'll leave you two alone in your love fest," etc. etc. And even his brother would say stuff like "just kiss (me). You know you want to." And he won't say anything. And if our group of friends brings up how gay we act, his brother will say "yeah but I think (my friend) is actually gay because he initiates everything." So based on all that... I grew feelings for him. And the thing is, it would drive me crazy, because after staring at me, and flirting with me, and doing stuff like resting his head on my shoulder or chest, or some of the other stuff I described, he'd say stuff like "man we need girls" or "you know what we need? Girlfriends" or if we're in a group hangout with guys and we're doing something stupid he'll be the one to say "wow notice how none of us have girlfriends" etc. and he's made out with quite a few girls, one in particular numerous times while we were friends... but then again, even while I've been crushing or in love, I have hooked up with girls myself. But it'll be something like, he'd rest his head on my shoulder and then after a minute or two he'd say "man we need girls."


And aside from the comments people have made, just like my prom date who said that he "wants you so badly," there was a girl who was talking to him about how he's flirty with girls and she pointed to me and said "you're even flirty with him for some reason." And there have been friends who say "sometimes he acts gay but he especially acts gay with you."


So anyways, I decided that I couldn't take it anymore and I sent him a text telling him that I loved our friendship but I couldn't take the confusion and that I like him as more than a friend. It was a super long text, telling him basically a much shorter version of this post, stating instances of how he was romantic and flirty and how others would see it too, etc. And he responded very coldly, saying that "on the listening end this is a lot to take in" and he said he "sees me only as a best friend" and that he would never do stuff like that again. And in the rest of the text he just complimented my personality traits, stating that "this demonstrates the admirable character you have." And ever since then, things have been weird.


At the beginning of the rejection, I was barely look or talk to him but he tries to still get my attention, and I notice how he scratches his head or yawn to look at me, and sometimes he still flat-out stares at me and if I turn around and face him he immediately turns around. And he no longer said "I love you" to me, but to everyone else. And he constantly mentioned "holding hands" as a joke to others for the first couple of weeks. And one time, his brother, him and I were outside a store. His brother wanted to go inside, and he wanted to stay in the shade. I followed his brother, and he called my name. I stopped and turned around. He said "come here." And he said something, I didn't hear properly so I said "what?" And he said "Oh, nothing I just knew you'd listen to me because I knew you loved me more than (his brother) I just knew it." And in general he tries to still get my attention, he's more "lowkey" about keeping track of where I am when we're around each other, he touches me less (but still touches me.... aka there's still lingering touches here and there.) And when I'm trying to ignore him he still tries to butt in.


I don't get it. Firstly, I don't believe that he's totally straight and that he thinks of me as only as a friend... but even if he does, why the hell would he act this way? Maybe he's so ridiculously straight that he's comfortable acting this way towards me (well, was)? How does this work? I can't comprehend this because I'm not straight.


We talked about it one within these past few months and he said he meant everything in a "friendly" way and that it was "just a joke" and when I asked if he would even dare to act this way to other guys, he said "well everyone's friendship is different, this is just how our friendship was." I don't know what to do or think.


I couldn't take the friendship anymore since he would still give off a flirty vibe and then mention girls, I would get mad at him all the time, and it was just a toxic friendship.
My friend, who is the only other person who knows I'm bi, talked to him about it the other day and he told her "I know if someone reads or hears about our friendship they'll think "oh I like (my name)" but no it's not true. I know I was over the top with some things but I was just comfortable that was our friendship." When I told her about everything, she said it sounds like he likes me and doesn't want to admit it to himself, and she has made out with him (well she was drunk and almost passed out and he was sober).


WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY: We hadn't been friends for about two and a half months. I suggested a talk a month ago but we both kept avoiding it, along with each other.
But yesterday we finally made up, he came over to my house and we went to a park nearby and talked for about 2 hours.


I noticed a lot of the time he was blushing, he checked his phone multiple times, his foot kept fidgeting, and he didn't really have many gestures, his hands were mostly together. I thought that was interesting, and signs that he was hiding things.
We sat next to each other and talked because there wasn't anywhere where we could sit across from each other.


Anyways, before our talk, we had a text conversation where we kind of attacked each other. But during the convo he kept mentioning "I like to forgive and forget" and whatnot whereas I kept insisting on talking more so we understand each other more.
We did talk about a bunch of things like communication, dishonesty and whatnot. We also talked about a time where he really liked this girl and that kept being mentioned. He acted as if he has no idea what it means to have gay thoughts in his head.
However, some interesting things, he finally admitted to acknowledging the "constant" gay comments that was made our way when I was questioning him. He also acknowledged that he shuts thoughts out, which is exactly what I accused him of a month ago

When I mentioned that I knew that he had a talk our mutual friend who knows what happened between us, he said that he's happy I vented to her and that it was good for me, but then a few minutes later he also said that I didn't have to give her the full story.


The most interesting thing said, though, was "...like the time when I was flirty with you." This was referring to our old, good friendship. I thought that was extremely interesting.

He also said that if he were to act the way he did to me with his other guy friends, they'd go along with it but then tell him to stop but with me it just escalated.

He admitted to being really touchy with me; when I said he was extremely touchy he acknowledged it, along with when I said he didn't treat me like anyone else.


He also said that the memories he cherishes of us was with our "old friendship," aka when he was flirty.

tl;dr:
Friend started acting gay, would send mixed signals all the time, initiated and did all the gay stuff, I confessed my feelings, he rejected me saying it was all friendly and that it was a joke. We made up yesterday. He suggested that he had no idea what it feels like to have gay thoughts, but then he made some interesting comments...
How would you interpret this?
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#2
Damn that was a LONG read!
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#3
I would say that you write pretty well for a 14-year-old but that you should learn to edit.

I would also say that you need a life.
I bid NO Trump!
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#4
Wow, thanks for the help and non-rude responses! Appreciate it.
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#5
Back in my day two dudes holding hands was gay.

Period.

In this 21st century I hear a lot of this sissy stuff coming from straight boys - hell many of them lisp and are limp wristed and insist that they are straight.

Perhaps the problem is society has gotten too casual about tolerance of 'the gay' and now we have straight guys playing these games which ends pretty much like your story ends - with hella confusion.

If it was me, I would have stopped the touchy crap as soon as it started telling him point blank that unless we are lovers we ain't holding hands.

Assuming that I did somehow break character and allowed this to go on to this point, I would tell him whatever my feelings are for him and tell him 'we ain't holding hands and crap until we are lovers'.

Then let him decide what it is he wants.

Sure, I might lose a friend, might get my heart broken, but after all of these games it would be far easier to have a broken heart - no?
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#6
Hmm...Hard to say. This friend seems to have some issues. I think he likes you, and I think he fantasized about you and in his mind he was being super subtle. When you remarked that you liked him more than a friend, it seemed to freak him out. Like getting called out for doing something that you didn't think anyone was noticing. He tried to change his behavior consciously, but subconsciously he still was acting the same. He tried to distance himself and I think with time he will realize all of this.
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#7
I remember reading this the first time, and I can tell you that my gut says even if he is curious and even if he gives into it, his straight identity is too important to him to give up. I'm afraid for you that he will expect the physical affection between you to remain a secret, and maybe even expect to have his cake (e.g. a girl) and eat it too (e.g. fun with you on the side). You would have to decide if you could live with that or not. I know you are not out to most people either, and hell, guys did it for centuries, but we're in a different world now.

Based on what little I know, I think if you were to find someone outside your immediate circle to date, someone who is more secure with his same-sex attraction, your friendship would be easier (For you) because the tension would be diffused a bit. The question, though, is your affection, the fact that he knows you want more with him, the thing that he craves?
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#8
There truly is nothing worse than a flirtatious "straight boy". I agree with [MENTION=12444]Bowyn Aerrow[/MENTION] , the guy is playing games with you. He's not being honest with you and he's not being honest with himself. You need to set boundaries with this dude as he's obviously overstepped them. He may very well not understand what it is like to have "gay" feelings; maybe it is time he realizes that, for you, this isn't just "fun and games."
.
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#9
ShiftyNJ Wrote:I remember reading this the first time, and I can tell you that my gut says even if he is curious and even if he gives into it, his straight identity is too important to him to give up. I'm afraid for you that he will expect the physical affection between you to remain a secret, and maybe even expect to have his cake (e.g. a girl) and eat it too (e.g. fun with you on the side). You would have to decide if you could live with that or not. I know you are not out to most people either, and hell, guys did it for centuries, but we're in a different world now.

Based on what little I know, I think if you were to find someone outside your immediate circle to date, someone who is more secure with his same-sex attraction, your friendship would be easier (For you) because the tension would be diffused a bit. The question, though, is your affection, the fact that he knows you want more with him, the thing that he craves?


I also remember reading this whole tale some time ago. I may have even responded to the wall of text by saying that the answer is pretty obvious.

The guy wants the OP to jump his bone.

I thought the story would have progressed to some crisis where the OP tried something and then was either re-buffed or they had wild monkey sex and became BF's.

I don't know what the OP wants from an audience. Once we say the other guy is a homo....where does it go from here?

Or do we wait another couple of months and then get treated to a repeat of the same story again and asked if we think the other guy is a queer?
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#10
Tell him if he wants to have sex (even "downlow sex"), he knows where you live. Otherwise, lay off the flirty stuff. Then, assume nothing is going to happen on the front. Not because nothing will (it might) but because there's nothing worse than waiting for a totally-straight-but-maybe-given-the-exact-right-set-of-circumstances-just-the-slightest-bit-curious guy to make a move. It's very easy to cast your heart (and gonads) in a direction like this, but once you meet a guy who actually doe swant to have sex with you, and is willing to do so without all the walls and games, you'll realize how much better it is. Smile

Lex
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