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Why is it so hard to find a gay relationship !
#21
starbelly Wrote:... still looking out for that "special" lover too.
Isnt it really that you dont perceive a need to be in a relationship yet?

to answer the OP (difficult to find a partner):
-there are not a lot of gay men 3-5% and the ladies there is half that in the general population
-how can you spot anyone who is family, gaydar is like 10% effective for most people. More than ever gay people dress act no different.
-a general homophobic hesitation to affirm a person is interested in you.
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#22
PoeticJustice Wrote:I feel like Im going to be single forever being Gay it's just always something when it comes to trying to get in a relationship. I've tried the whole hookup sites and stuff but hooking up its just not me after the fact I feel disgusting and dirty , it's just not me but I'm at the point were I don't know what to ! I mean I'm young 18 but still . Any Advice ?

At age 47 I am single (again)Rolleyes. I have been in 6 relationships. The longest relationship was 14.5 years. The shortest was 6 months. They all didn't end well.

There was two times I tried 'random hook-ups' - casual sex - slut-hood - whatever you want to call it. While I was able to get off, I wasn't fully satisfied with the encounters. I discovered that for myself, in order for sex to 'rock my world' or be satisfying I needed it to be in the confines of a loving relationship.

"...trying to get in a relationship". Relationships are not something you can try to get into. Either they come about or they don't. People never plan to fall in love - in fact the phrase 'fall in love' is accurate in that love is sort of like gravity, once it does kick in you are as helpless to stop it as you are helpless to stop gravity from pulling you down.

You will not be single forever. You are living in an Era of Change. The USA is seeing more and more states with gay marriage - 'equality' for LGBT to marry means that our attitudes toward marriage in the LGBT world will change, as will out attitudes toward relationships and what they are.

In our never ending quest for 'equality' we are becoming hetro in our attitudes. You will most likely be surrounded by gay guys who are looking for marriage in a society where that marriage is possible. The days of being told 'Your love isn't really love' are coming to an end. That will mean that the acceptance of promiscuity on the wholesale level that it was is going to fade away.

As for finding potential mates - I don't know. If I knew my title wouldn't include 'single' in it. As for finding good, decent men who won't end up breaking your heart - good luck with that. 6 relationships I have had and each ended up finding a new way to break my old heart.

I would suggest that instead of looking at every gay man who enters your life as a potential mate, look at them as potential friend. If you can form a friendship with him then your chances at having a quality relationship improves. Let love happen on its own time. Trying to force it never ends well.

You are 18 - I recall what that was like. Time was so slow, and a year felt like half an eternity. From where I sit I now look back and see how fast time really went.

Besides, you don't want to seek to settle down for a long haul relationship until late 20's, early 30's. You have a lot of personal growth and personal change ahead of you for the coming decade. By the time you hit 30 you will have changed you opinion on a lot of stuff because a decade of being an adult in the real world is going to teach you a lot of important things.
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#23
You know why is it hard?! because you're gay :3
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#24
Single is great ya know~ Rolleyes :biggrin:
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#25
Alex Wrote:... A guy that really wants a relationship will clearly mention it in their profiles and it doesn't need to be a novel

you're 18, don't forget that you'll be tracked quite a lot by older men there again be selective, there's nothing wrong of dating someone twice your age but don't go with them for the wrong reason ...

practical advice:
-"and it doesn't need to be a novel"
-"don't go with them for the wrong reason"

from a straight relationship i have a 30year old daughter. although a rewarding experience she has been mostly very high maintenance.
I got my own needs.
Why the older person would seek out a random younger outside the family to have a relationship with.
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#26
pellaz Wrote:Isnt it really that you dont perceive a need to be in a relationship yet?

Not sure what is meant by this?
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#27
make ALLTHEFRIENDS!!!
Sooo to conclude just make heaps of friends!
What's a better way to start off a relationship than with a friend? I can't think of any better n.n
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#28
I know how you feel. I had a relationship and was happy for the first time in ages and then the guy dumped me and didn't have a damn good reason for it. I was angry at myself for falling in love so easily and angry with him but I am back and actively looking for guys to meet. It's hard though, so many of them turn out to be douchebags! Pardon me for saying that but its true in my case. I guess my luck is just bad.

I hope you find something soon. I've been there with the hookups as well, I felt bad afterwards but right now I am strictly a one-man guy.

Also hooking up at 18?! I mean its legal and all and I suppose nothing is wrong with it but you're a bit young for all that. Look I am sorry if this sounds patronising but you're probably new to all this and technically you *could* be considered as vulnerable even if you're not. Plus there are so many pervy guys who just want to sleep with teenagers and those people are predators. You've got to be really careful out there. I've met some creeps myself including one who,while I was with him, kept talking about my friend Dean and his 17 year old brother Luke who he thought was gay although he wasn't.

It was obvious he harbored some sick fantasies about Dean and Luke. There are so many people like that.

Anyway good luck and maybe you will find someone decent. It is hard I understand, I find it hard to meet people too. Sad
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#29
To OP, I'm looking for the same answer as you are. But reading all of this is just depressing. It makes me feel like I'll never find anyone...
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#30
God i wanna bash my head into a wall right now....
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