08-10-2012, 08:18 PM
Hello guys i need some more advice from you if thats okay.. =)
(i dont even know where im going with this post im just about confused)
I have been thinking of myself as someone inbetween both genders but i still would like to be seen as a guy, thats just how i wanna look. I like male bodyshapes and when i see a goodlooking guy i always wish that i looked like that.
The thing is this: when i was eleven about to turn twelwe i bought this cool baseballcap and i got to choose my own bike so i picked a "guy bike" (as my bro calls it), i chose not to wear a dress like everyone else at the schools ending ceremony, and was rlly happy with it all
When i became a teen and got boobs i was so sad, i wanted them to just go away. Cried many times..
Then i came to a new school and other things happened and my life just sucked, to cope with school and staying away from being bullied i started to act and dress more girly
so i bought girly clothes and skirts and dresses, picked my eyebrows etc.
Didnt like my bike anymore =P
But i never liked myself. And looking back at that time i know now that i was in a depression for a long time.
after three years of torture i came to a new school with a whole different atmosphere and i could be myself. In hope of looking like a guy i cut my hair short (and tho i didnt look like a guy it still boosted my confidence to the top)
I havent worn a dress/skirt or bra in like two years or so and i only ever look at clothes in the male section. Love my bike again xD
The thing is my mum doesnt see this change, she still wants me to wear dresses and wear girly clothes. and since i dont exactly know yet what i want with myself i dont want to tell her or anyone anything of how i feel about myself because what if im not ftm?
all i know is that i hate when people call me "She" and say im a girl
i hate my boobs i hate my hips and i hate that i look and sound like a girl!
(i dont even know where im going with this post im just about confused)
I have been thinking of myself as someone inbetween both genders but i still would like to be seen as a guy, thats just how i wanna look. I like male bodyshapes and when i see a goodlooking guy i always wish that i looked like that.
The thing is this: when i was eleven about to turn twelwe i bought this cool baseballcap and i got to choose my own bike so i picked a "guy bike" (as my bro calls it), i chose not to wear a dress like everyone else at the schools ending ceremony, and was rlly happy with it all
When i became a teen and got boobs i was so sad, i wanted them to just go away. Cried many times..
Then i came to a new school and other things happened and my life just sucked, to cope with school and staying away from being bullied i started to act and dress more girly
so i bought girly clothes and skirts and dresses, picked my eyebrows etc.
Didnt like my bike anymore =P
But i never liked myself. And looking back at that time i know now that i was in a depression for a long time.
after three years of torture i came to a new school with a whole different atmosphere and i could be myself. In hope of looking like a guy i cut my hair short (and tho i didnt look like a guy it still boosted my confidence to the top)
I havent worn a dress/skirt or bra in like two years or so and i only ever look at clothes in the male section. Love my bike again xD
The thing is my mum doesnt see this change, she still wants me to wear dresses and wear girly clothes. and since i dont exactly know yet what i want with myself i dont want to tell her or anyone anything of how i feel about myself because what if im not ftm?
all i know is that i hate when people call me "She" and say im a girl
i hate my boobs i hate my hips and i hate that i look and sound like a girl!
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