08-29-2012, 04:27 AM
I've been meaning to type this for awhile i came close a few times but, then would tell myself I'll do it later,I have *to do this or that first and it never got done. I know no one can really tell me what I should do or feel or what this even means but, I'd love your input on the subject. I'm thinking out load for the first time this will be long since I'm laying it all out there. *let's do this...if there are misspellings,run ons etc I apologize up front*
I'm not sure where to start...I thought because I'd be typing this it would be more easier. so, I'm really confused and have been for a long time for the past 7-8 years I've been really finding guys attractive which really blew my mind because, I've never found them attractive, I've watched coming out videos on YouTube which made my mind spin these are videos of young kids when I was in high school finding a guy attractive never crossed my mind not one bit. but, know it does? I wish I had these feelings when I was younger then at least id understand. how can someone like one sex for this long then like another sex years later? when I was 5 once or twice i dressed up like s girl for Halloween I thought it was fun and didn't think of anything of it. my mom and aunt but a tutu on me once and have me dance..dad really didn't like that but,I don't remember that I used to wear tights in kindergarten not sure why after a few times I was like I don't wanna do that. when I was younger I fooled around with my cousins not sure why maybe just to experiment at that time I didn't find guys attractive but, I would talk about girls. as time went on at the age of 15 my dad would tell everyone I was gay which confused people and I would get so pissed at this stage of my life I only found girls attractive and mostly hung out with girls. a while later I started finding males attractive honestly I like the Hollister types with a nice package yeah call me low. I kept telling myself not to think about guys. I met one off Craigslist but, it just didn't feel right. I never pictured myself with a guy,but now I've been thinking about dating a guy but, at the same time I can't see my self growing old with one but, 6months ago I was saying I can't see my self even with a guy. for a guy I'm only attracted to their looks as for as sexual wise I'm interested in oral sex but, not "back door" sex that doesn't * turn me on at all. so, can you be gay yet not want male sex? things tend to change as time goes on..while I didn't want to date a guy before now seems okay to do. do people really have a gaydar? how do I find and approach gay men? maybe I'm bi but, how can you be straight then bi? I used too suppress my feelings but, when I let them surface and not hide find them I become more me and there not intense sometimes they go away. at my old job a gay guy worked there he was pretty cool I would have never known he was gay I think a lot of people including myself had/has misconceptions about gay men I've always thought (sorry) they had to be the center of attention,load,obnoxious (there's many straight people who are like this) they all wear *makeup,high heels,dresses and they think there the best boy, was I wrong there normal acting and I believe once people see that they change their minds about stereotyping also as time goes on when someone finds out there this or that people will no longer judge people by their sexuality but, by there character it will no longer be a big omg moment my main question how can someone be attracted to girls from the age of 7-21 then out of the blue *like both and like males a little more depending on the day. i had people ask me if I was gay and at that time I'd say no and it was no but, the last time I was asked it was no of course not but,I honestly don't know I've never even written the word gay down before or said it out loud. so, I'm not sure what to do or think about this what am I? is being bi a coop out don't I have to choose which sex I like? I've never told anyone about this..thank you all feel free to ask any questions*
I'm not sure where to start...I thought because I'd be typing this it would be more easier. so, I'm really confused and have been for a long time for the past 7-8 years I've been really finding guys attractive which really blew my mind because, I've never found them attractive, I've watched coming out videos on YouTube which made my mind spin these are videos of young kids when I was in high school finding a guy attractive never crossed my mind not one bit. but, know it does? I wish I had these feelings when I was younger then at least id understand. how can someone like one sex for this long then like another sex years later? when I was 5 once or twice i dressed up like s girl for Halloween I thought it was fun and didn't think of anything of it. my mom and aunt but a tutu on me once and have me dance..dad really didn't like that but,I don't remember that I used to wear tights in kindergarten not sure why after a few times I was like I don't wanna do that. when I was younger I fooled around with my cousins not sure why maybe just to experiment at that time I didn't find guys attractive but, I would talk about girls. as time went on at the age of 15 my dad would tell everyone I was gay which confused people and I would get so pissed at this stage of my life I only found girls attractive and mostly hung out with girls. a while later I started finding males attractive honestly I like the Hollister types with a nice package yeah call me low. I kept telling myself not to think about guys. I met one off Craigslist but, it just didn't feel right. I never pictured myself with a guy,but now I've been thinking about dating a guy but, at the same time I can't see my self growing old with one but, 6months ago I was saying I can't see my self even with a guy. for a guy I'm only attracted to their looks as for as sexual wise I'm interested in oral sex but, not "back door" sex that doesn't * turn me on at all. so, can you be gay yet not want male sex? things tend to change as time goes on..while I didn't want to date a guy before now seems okay to do. do people really have a gaydar? how do I find and approach gay men? maybe I'm bi but, how can you be straight then bi? I used too suppress my feelings but, when I let them surface and not hide find them I become more me and there not intense sometimes they go away. at my old job a gay guy worked there he was pretty cool I would have never known he was gay I think a lot of people including myself had/has misconceptions about gay men I've always thought (sorry) they had to be the center of attention,load,obnoxious (there's many straight people who are like this) they all wear *makeup,high heels,dresses and they think there the best boy, was I wrong there normal acting and I believe once people see that they change their minds about stereotyping also as time goes on when someone finds out there this or that people will no longer judge people by their sexuality but, by there character it will no longer be a big omg moment my main question how can someone be attracted to girls from the age of 7-21 then out of the blue *like both and like males a little more depending on the day. i had people ask me if I was gay and at that time I'd say no and it was no but, the last time I was asked it was no of course not but,I honestly don't know I've never even written the word gay down before or said it out loud. so, I'm not sure what to do or think about this what am I? is being bi a coop out don't I have to choose which sex I like? I've never told anyone about this..thank you all feel free to ask any questions*
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
