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May I rant on your shoulder please?
#1
Well in case you didn't know. I recently discovered that my partner has been 'sleeping' around.

It started off last week with my clicking on the gmail button and his still being logged in and a long, long list of emails from Manfinder.Com (replies and new friends requests and the like). With a short lull of my mulling over if I should let it go or push the question.

Friday I asked a few questions, then spent three hours slowly pulling the truth form him. A flurry of denial, followed by slowly admitting 'facts'. Each time I asked a question he would get that 'I'm innocent look'.

Honestly, I see that look a lot... He's real good with throwing that mask on. Makes me wonder about a few other things he has worn that mask on...

Long story short, it appears that he has been a member of manfinder since the day we met. And that he has used that account on a regular basis to make 'new friends' and to have fun after work, or when he has gone to San Francisco to put in job applications or to go to job interviews. Those two years he was 'looking for work' - Oh no he was getting a regular plowing by some bloke he met on Manfinder. Not finding a job for him was not so much the economy, but he was just a wee bit too busy playing with men's wee-wees. :o

Or maybe 'The economy' is the new innuendo for sex? (Shrug - I don't know).

That means for the past 14 years when I thought I was in a monogamous relationship, no its been an open one (for him at least). I was lead to believe one thing. The reality appears to be much different.

Isn't that suppose to make me angry? :mad:

I should be shouldn't I?

Shouldn't I be screaming, yelling, raising my voice slightly? Shouldn't there be indignation, outrage, fury, frustration, how about a little annoyance?

Honestly I'm not that angry. And the things I'm angry about are more over other things such as the thousands of dollars throw into couple's counseling to maintain a relationship when the reality was he wasn't that interested in the relationship (with me, the relationship with every other man maybe he had interest in).

How about overwhelming grief? Depression, sadness, how about a tear - Hmm No can't find that either.

I'm uncertain if I am just in 'shock' or if I really am just indifferent to it all now.

During his near broken record 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry' mixed with 'But I do really love you!' I lacked any empathy for him, no pity, I pretty much felt nothing.

I did snort when he said 'I promise I will never do it again'.

But that is more or less because I have heard so many people say those words to me "I promise, will never do it again." After the first 10 thousand repetitions it has gotten a bit tedious to hear from anyone.

Yeah I have been a bit snarky and sarcastic over the past few days. But its not anger - least ways not an anger I have experienced before.

Jaded...

2 : made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit

Synonyms: all in, aweary [archaic], beat, beaten, bleary, burned-out (or burnt-out), bushed, dead, done, done in, drained, exhausted, fatigued, weary, knackered [British], limp, logy (also loggy), played out, pooped [slang], prostrate, spent, tapped out, tired, tuckered (out), washed-out, wearied, wiped out, worn, worn-out

Yep that's what I'm feeling. Knackered Wink

I am somewhat puzzled by why he is still here. After all when he asked me point blank 'do you still love me?' I replied 'Nope, not in the least.'

Maybe because I didn't scream 'I hate your fucking guts!!!!!!'... Maybe if I said that he would get the idea that I don't love him and leave?

I told him Friday that the couch is his new bed. But, Right now he is in the bed because supposedly his boss wants him to come in at 6 AM, which means I get to play alarm clock one more time to wake him up at 4:30.

He has never had to go into this job at 6AM... My immediate thought is "So what is he playing at?"

Does he honestly think I will not be able to keep me eyes open until 4:30 thus I will magically climb in bed and forget my feelings and cuddle him?

Trust me, If I get sleepy I will lay down on the dog bed with my old faithful companion and cuddle with her.

Saturday and Sunday he has said 'I love you David' with that sad "I'm so hurt" look over and over again. Its getting annoying. I just nod, "Ok".

Seriously does he think that that is going to suddenly brush aside all of this? (Rhetorical question there).

I have 'suggested' he pack up and move back with his mom to 'take care of her'. His reply is 'we can work this out'.

Really?

I'm perplexed at the mindset here. If for the past 14 years he couldn't keep his pants on, then why should I even consider that he can keep his pants on for the next oh 14 days or weeks?

Is it reasonable now to to really believe 'we can work this out'???

Jaded and perplexed.

I don't know ______________ (fill in the blank - I'm clueless)
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Messages In This Thread
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:51 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Lilitu - 09-04-2012, 11:02 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 01:22 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by hue - 09-04-2012, 01:34 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by ManicReptile21 - 09-04-2012, 02:24 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by trywait - 09-04-2012, 02:24 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by BobInTampa - 09-04-2012, 02:35 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by TryingNewThing - 09-04-2012, 03:02 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-04-2012, 03:50 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by ceez - 09-04-2012, 04:20 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by East - 09-04-2012, 04:47 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by fenris - 09-04-2012, 05:31 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-04-2012, 07:04 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-04-2012, 07:10 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 09:09 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 09:31 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Pix - 09-04-2012, 09:58 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:04 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:17 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:24 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:28 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-04-2012, 10:43 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-04-2012, 11:18 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by archubbycub - 09-04-2012, 11:35 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by East - 09-05-2012, 09:45 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by bryandurel - 09-05-2012, 10:10 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-05-2012, 02:13 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-05-2012, 02:20 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-05-2012, 02:33 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-05-2012, 02:40 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Jay - 09-05-2012, 02:45 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by ManicReptile21 - 09-05-2012, 03:09 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Buffylo - 09-05-2012, 09:52 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-05-2012, 11:21 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Rainbowmum - 09-06-2012, 04:19 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 07:23 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 07:35 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 07:42 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 07:46 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Maverick - 09-06-2012, 07:58 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 08:04 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-06-2012, 08:22 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-06-2012, 08:34 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by BobInTampa - 09-06-2012, 10:50 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-06-2012, 11:48 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-07-2012, 02:47 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-07-2012, 03:04 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-07-2012, 03:52 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-07-2012, 07:13 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-07-2012, 07:32 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-07-2012, 09:00 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-07-2012, 07:40 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-07-2012, 07:54 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-07-2012, 09:54 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-08-2012, 08:11 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-08-2012, 10:24 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by BobInTampa - 09-10-2012, 04:34 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-10-2012, 05:02 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-10-2012, 05:58 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-10-2012, 11:22 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-11-2012, 01:44 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Miles - 09-11-2012, 03:46 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by LateBloomer - 09-11-2012, 06:17 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Cav937 - 09-11-2012, 06:58 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Maverick - 09-11-2012, 09:08 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by BobInTampa - 09-11-2012, 10:03 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-12-2012, 12:21 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-12-2012, 02:54 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-12-2012, 03:45 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Cav937 - 09-12-2012, 05:50 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Cav937 - 09-12-2012, 06:01 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Maverick - 09-12-2012, 04:17 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-12-2012, 05:18 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Maverick - 09-12-2012, 06:40 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-12-2012, 07:30 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by BobInTampa - 09-12-2012, 07:45 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-12-2012, 08:21 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-12-2012, 09:08 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by princealbertofb - 09-14-2012, 08:29 PM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Bowyn Aerrow - 09-15-2012, 02:07 AM
May I rant on your shoulder please? - by Blue - 09-15-2012, 03:06 AM

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