09-25-2012, 01:12 AM
I have to get something off of my chest...no need to comment really but if you read it.....thanks ahead of time and please forgive my whining. I am afraid if I don't write this I am going to explode!
I have a weird thing where I cannot be phony. I know this comes natural to most people but for me...If I don't think it or feel it...I cannot for the life of me say it. Let me be clear...I am not knocking people who are phony...I am jealous of them. This has been a real thorn in my side my whole life.
It took me alot of very intense concentration and practice not to blurt out what I really think which is my natural inclination...that has been a lifelong battle and I am pretty good about keeping quiet now...but there is no way I can say something I dont' feel or think...
the words will just not come out of my mouth...
...so....alot of people lately around town have been dying but I didn't like any of them and I simply cannot force myself to say I am sorry even though social etiquette deems that this is the proper thing to do. Even worse...I have been cornered now by two of the spouses who asked me why i didn't come to the funeral and I KNEW I was supposed to say "Gosh...I am so sorry to hear that ___________ died" but I was really thinking "Please go away and stop bothering me" :eek: (Thank God I didnt' say that)
...now a third "friend" of the most recently deceased comes in and starts bawling to me and I am horrified...they just left maybe 1/2 hour ago and every inch of my being wants to scream...they sucked the air out of me and they actually wanted me to comfort them with phony platitudes on top of draining my energy....
Don't get me wrong...if I really AM sorry I will not only say it but show it with no problem at all.
...and since I can't do the primal screaming thing right this moment...I am doing THIS instead:biggrin: .......WHEW! OK I am done:biggrin:
I have a weird thing where I cannot be phony. I know this comes natural to most people but for me...If I don't think it or feel it...I cannot for the life of me say it. Let me be clear...I am not knocking people who are phony...I am jealous of them. This has been a real thorn in my side my whole life.
It took me alot of very intense concentration and practice not to blurt out what I really think which is my natural inclination...that has been a lifelong battle and I am pretty good about keeping quiet now...but there is no way I can say something I dont' feel or think...
the words will just not come out of my mouth...
...so....alot of people lately around town have been dying but I didn't like any of them and I simply cannot force myself to say I am sorry even though social etiquette deems that this is the proper thing to do. Even worse...I have been cornered now by two of the spouses who asked me why i didn't come to the funeral and I KNEW I was supposed to say "Gosh...I am so sorry to hear that ___________ died" but I was really thinking "Please go away and stop bothering me" :eek: (Thank God I didnt' say that)
...now a third "friend" of the most recently deceased comes in and starts bawling to me and I am horrified...they just left maybe 1/2 hour ago and every inch of my being wants to scream...they sucked the air out of me and they actually wanted me to comfort them with phony platitudes on top of draining my energy....
Don't get me wrong...if I really AM sorry I will not only say it but show it with no problem at all.
...and since I can't do the primal screaming thing right this moment...I am doing THIS instead:biggrin: .......WHEW! OK I am done:biggrin:
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