10-01-2012, 03:31 PM
Although I can guess what the majority of responses and advice will be for this post, I'm hoping that someone might say something new that I haven't considered and provide me with a fresh perspective.
I've noticed a pattern with the relationships I've been in. My partners are usually completely enamoured and infatuated with me when we first start dating, but as time goes on, there's always a trend of them saying things along the lines of "I feel like you're too good for me" or "You deserve someone better than me." Let me say that I don't agree with this at all. Despite my efforts to reassure them of this, they're never convinced. Inevitably, they always end up breaking up with me. The reasons change and evolve as the relationship progresses, starting at "You can do better" and always ending up at "I don't love you anymore"/"I don't feel the same way anymore."
It's extremely frustrating and painful for me having been through several of these relationships, with the last one lasting almost 5 years. I honestly believed I had found a life partner... It's not like they don't love me anymore, as I know all my ex's still care deeply for me and think the world of me. It just seems as though they all fall out of romantic love with me because they don't believe they're good enough.
From what I've gathered from friends and people who know me, I'm seen as attractive, intelligent, funny, pleasant to be around, nice, etc. They all agree I have a very magnetic personality and I'm almost addictive and intoxicating to be around. It's really quite unrealistic at times the praises I hear people give me, because I really don't believe I'm as perfect as they make me out to be. I guess those are all good problems to have, except it seems impossible for me to sustain a relationship.
I feel like most people see me as a novelty. I'm so different than what they're used to that they can't help but become intrigued. People will fall in love with me, and fall very hard, but I'm starting to think that people just fall in love with their idea of who I am, and not the person that I am. My last ex used to tell me almost every day that someone made him feel as though he didn't deserve me. I don't think that's their intention, as it usually comes out in the form of "I don't know how you boyfriend does it cause I wouldn't put up with that" or "wow, I can't believe he does that for you. What do you normally do to show you appreciate him?" He heard it from everyone, from his friends to my friends to people who barely knew either of us. It made him feel as though he couldn't talk to anyone about me without them praising me. His efforts rarely got acknowledged by anyone, and it made him feel bad. It made things especially difficult whenever we had a problem or dispute, and people would just take my side despite hearing him out. He started out loving how it felt, because I was like a "trophy" bf, but it eventually became a burden because he felt alone and isolated because no one acknowledged his feelings. I don't know if this experience was similar for my other ex's, but I know they went through a similar evolution of behavior/feelings and said similar things to me as time progressed.
I'm completely stumped. I'm very introverted and timid, and it's difficult for me to meet new people. I'm very quiet around strangers and most people never get to know me. My friends don't understand the amount of effort it takes or how challenging it is for me to meet people, because it looks like a breeze from their point of view. I'm tired of getting my heart broken over and over again and being told "You didn't anything wrong, my feelings just changed." Having a partner helps provide me with the emotional, mental, and moral support I need be my best, but it also takes me years to get over each person. I don't understand how my ex's move on so quickly. I've reached a point where I just feel like giving up. Everytime I hear someone say "you're too good for me" it's like hearing the sirens go off signaling that my relationship is about to die. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to give up on relationships, but I know I won't be happiest alone. I'm just so exhausted from trying and crippled by the pain of heartbreak. What am I doing wrong?
I've noticed a pattern with the relationships I've been in. My partners are usually completely enamoured and infatuated with me when we first start dating, but as time goes on, there's always a trend of them saying things along the lines of "I feel like you're too good for me" or "You deserve someone better than me." Let me say that I don't agree with this at all. Despite my efforts to reassure them of this, they're never convinced. Inevitably, they always end up breaking up with me. The reasons change and evolve as the relationship progresses, starting at "You can do better" and always ending up at "I don't love you anymore"/"I don't feel the same way anymore."
It's extremely frustrating and painful for me having been through several of these relationships, with the last one lasting almost 5 years. I honestly believed I had found a life partner... It's not like they don't love me anymore, as I know all my ex's still care deeply for me and think the world of me. It just seems as though they all fall out of romantic love with me because they don't believe they're good enough.
From what I've gathered from friends and people who know me, I'm seen as attractive, intelligent, funny, pleasant to be around, nice, etc. They all agree I have a very magnetic personality and I'm almost addictive and intoxicating to be around. It's really quite unrealistic at times the praises I hear people give me, because I really don't believe I'm as perfect as they make me out to be. I guess those are all good problems to have, except it seems impossible for me to sustain a relationship.
I feel like most people see me as a novelty. I'm so different than what they're used to that they can't help but become intrigued. People will fall in love with me, and fall very hard, but I'm starting to think that people just fall in love with their idea of who I am, and not the person that I am. My last ex used to tell me almost every day that someone made him feel as though he didn't deserve me. I don't think that's their intention, as it usually comes out in the form of "I don't know how you boyfriend does it cause I wouldn't put up with that" or "wow, I can't believe he does that for you. What do you normally do to show you appreciate him?" He heard it from everyone, from his friends to my friends to people who barely knew either of us. It made him feel as though he couldn't talk to anyone about me without them praising me. His efforts rarely got acknowledged by anyone, and it made him feel bad. It made things especially difficult whenever we had a problem or dispute, and people would just take my side despite hearing him out. He started out loving how it felt, because I was like a "trophy" bf, but it eventually became a burden because he felt alone and isolated because no one acknowledged his feelings. I don't know if this experience was similar for my other ex's, but I know they went through a similar evolution of behavior/feelings and said similar things to me as time progressed.
I'm completely stumped. I'm very introverted and timid, and it's difficult for me to meet new people. I'm very quiet around strangers and most people never get to know me. My friends don't understand the amount of effort it takes or how challenging it is for me to meet people, because it looks like a breeze from their point of view. I'm tired of getting my heart broken over and over again and being told "You didn't anything wrong, my feelings just changed." Having a partner helps provide me with the emotional, mental, and moral support I need be my best, but it also takes me years to get over each person. I don't understand how my ex's move on so quickly. I've reached a point where I just feel like giving up. Everytime I hear someone say "you're too good for me" it's like hearing the sirens go off signaling that my relationship is about to die. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to give up on relationships, but I know I won't be happiest alone. I'm just so exhausted from trying and crippled by the pain of heartbreak. What am I doing wrong?
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