Orientation Schizophrenia

[Double007]

I find myself thinking about having a real boyfriend. It's exciting, I'm in love, I'm happy, and we do everything together. He's my companion, best friend, etc. Then reality hits. I start to feel a little ashamed. I feel a little disappointed with myself for longing to be with I guy, whether it is sexual or relational. If I'm not ashamed then sometimes I think "that's not going to happen." Sometimes I struggle with the thought of being gay because of this. I feel like the opportunities for solid relationships are few and far between. I really struggle with this. I really have an attraction to guys. I like guys. They catch my eye everywhere I go. I would love to have a relationship or at the least have some cuddle time with a guy that I like. But then I get ashamed or start thinking that's it's just my imagination. I'm not sure what this is all about. I was pretty down about it this morning because I really wanted to be with someone, but don't see a way now. Thought I would vent for a minute. Has anyone gone through this at one point? How did you get over it? What happened? Many responses would be appreciated.