Nerves...Tired...Sad -- Pity party

[GossamerMoon]

Just so much and so little going on. I'm going to start substitute teaching at my daughter's school (she's in special needs program at the local middle school), which used to be my high school. So I'm nervous because I haven't done that before, and there's a lot of tension there about bullying and gangs right now. This is a milk and cookies, very conservative community, and my openness about not being Christian (pagan/agnostic) is enough to make me a tad nervous (but not too bad). They're not going to find out I'm gay, for sure.

But in the meantime, I'm sad and tired and nervous. I've never held down a job longer than ten months, if that, due to ADD and due to major back problems. But now my kids depend on me, and I'm afraid of screwing up, not being able to be a good mom, and not able to follow through on book editing and writing, now that I'm in with a digital publisher. Yeah, I get support from my ex, but I am near drowning.

Not to mention I'm freaking lonely. My family basically sucks, and not many people here are gay friendly, which means it's hard to know who it's okay to talk to. Let alone dating. That freaks me out, too! I Only ever dated my ex. Yay. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I am but have no opportunity.

Meh. I don't know why I'm posting other than I don't have many people to talk to. I am always second guessing myself, and it sucks. And I can't afford a sitter so I can go out and meet new people. Ugh. I just want it to get better, but it has to get worse first. Suck suck suck.

Okay. Self-pity moment over. Go about your day. Thanks.