02-29-2016, 02:44 AM
It's a lot of reasons why but honestly I can't deal with this anymore.
1. I really am getting uglier and uglier. I posted ads on Craigslist and actual dating sites saying I was desperate and I'd reply to anybody. I got absoultely nothing (and yes I put pics up). If I can't even get desperate guys from Craigslist... damn I must really be bad. I've taken every piece of advice to make myself look better, and none of it worked. I hate how I do everything that everyone tells me to and I bend over backwards for everyone, yet I get nothing. Yet the ones born with cute faces and rich parents get everything they want. There's literally not one good thing about me. And no matter how much I try to better myself, it never works. I'm just sick of being so pathetic.
2. My parents keep getting me in the middle of their arguments. And I have to agree with my step-dad no matter what because I live in his house and can't afford even the cheapest room or apartment. North Carolina only offers welfare to pregnant girls under 18 or elderly disabled people, so as a 23 year old able-bodied male, I'm literally seen as garbage. They're driving me crazy. Mom's always binge drinking or on pills, step-dad takes pills too. They get them illegally, I'm almost 100% sure because they bring them home in a plastic baggie.
3. I have zero friends and any effort to make any has failed. Nobody wants to befriend me. I'm autistic, bipolar, as I said ugly, I have a terrible personality (or so I'm told), anxiety, no social skills. Despite trying to be friendly, it gets me nowhere.
4. I have no chance of getting a job that pays enough to support myself. No colleges or tech schools nearby (not that I could afford them or have time to go anyway). I have no interest in any field I could get a job in.
5. I can't afford to get mental help. At all. My dad took me off his insurance because it was raising the cost too much. So I went on my mom's but am afraid of the same thing happening and we barely can afford it as is. I did call any local psychologist offices and such, left voicemails. None of them answered me. I feel so helpless right now. People tell me to get out of the house and working will get my mind off of it, but it doesn't. Half the time I'm at work, I'm having mental hallucinations about killing people and whatnot, and then I have to smile when a customer comes by and pretend to be perfectly fine... and nobody believes my problems.
Like I've been dealing with this bullshit for years, I'm finally done. Nobody wants to help. The people that are paid to help won't even help. I don't know what to do.
1. I really am getting uglier and uglier. I posted ads on Craigslist and actual dating sites saying I was desperate and I'd reply to anybody. I got absoultely nothing (and yes I put pics up). If I can't even get desperate guys from Craigslist... damn I must really be bad. I've taken every piece of advice to make myself look better, and none of it worked. I hate how I do everything that everyone tells me to and I bend over backwards for everyone, yet I get nothing. Yet the ones born with cute faces and rich parents get everything they want. There's literally not one good thing about me. And no matter how much I try to better myself, it never works. I'm just sick of being so pathetic.
2. My parents keep getting me in the middle of their arguments. And I have to agree with my step-dad no matter what because I live in his house and can't afford even the cheapest room or apartment. North Carolina only offers welfare to pregnant girls under 18 or elderly disabled people, so as a 23 year old able-bodied male, I'm literally seen as garbage. They're driving me crazy. Mom's always binge drinking or on pills, step-dad takes pills too. They get them illegally, I'm almost 100% sure because they bring them home in a plastic baggie.
3. I have zero friends and any effort to make any has failed. Nobody wants to befriend me. I'm autistic, bipolar, as I said ugly, I have a terrible personality (or so I'm told), anxiety, no social skills. Despite trying to be friendly, it gets me nowhere.
4. I have no chance of getting a job that pays enough to support myself. No colleges or tech schools nearby (not that I could afford them or have time to go anyway). I have no interest in any field I could get a job in.
5. I can't afford to get mental help. At all. My dad took me off his insurance because it was raising the cost too much. So I went on my mom's but am afraid of the same thing happening and we barely can afford it as is. I did call any local psychologist offices and such, left voicemails. None of them answered me. I feel so helpless right now. People tell me to get out of the house and working will get my mind off of it, but it doesn't. Half the time I'm at work, I'm having mental hallucinations about killing people and whatnot, and then I have to smile when a customer comes by and pretend to be perfectly fine... and nobody believes my problems.
Like I've been dealing with this bullshit for years, I'm finally done. Nobody wants to help. The people that are paid to help won't even help. I don't know what to do.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
