I cant come out

[Delishes]

Hi evey1 thats my very first post in this site as well as about being gay!here is the thng,My father found gay porn in my ipad and shout at me however after that(act like othing happened and asks 1 week later) still he asks me if i got a girlfriend or not like before,i dont think my family will accept me also i cant think myself in a relationship with some other guy,so i think its not worth.i am 21 and i dont want to waste my time because of my familys approval however i am scared of rejections i become isolated from the real life and video game addicted,gained weight become unrecogniseable(i was modeling tiny clothing firms when i was 15)was in a bakestball team. i ganed 55 kgs after i lost my mum also thats the time i accept that im gay.(for example i start to watch gay porn instead of straight) now im hopeless and not ready to anything ...also i have never dated any girl or boy and never asked or think abot that until 16 and,dont have gay friend to discuss as well...and about sex, even with a pornstar ,i cant see myself do any kind of thing,i only masturbate, is this normal?and should i come out?or go to gay bars?i once tried but when i look around myself i looked like from different planet so i didnt go inside.what im gonna do