03-08-2016, 09:51 PM
I don't know anymore.
In summary for those who don't know me, I'm 40, gay, virgin despite being out for nearly 2 decades, having lots of gay friends and been to lots of gay/friendly parties.
I "suffer" from a hormonal condition that delayed my physical development by 5-10 years, so that's why I still look like around 30. Do the maths, when I was 25, I looked like a teenager.
Anyway, back then I didn't fully understand the social / sexual effects.
From 25-30 there was a phase when I thought I was ugly. From 30-35 there was a phase when I thought I'm too old to begin with "kiddie stuff". From 35-40 I was damn sure I "just" have a sex phobia. Now I don't know anymore at all. Maybe it's all not important enough for me?
I'm a quite unsexual person I guess, I feel turned off by sexual talk, yeah I do want sex (I guess), but it's nowhere near my priorities. When I see a guy I get the fantasy to cuddle with him, to kiss him, to spend some time with him, but sexual things aren't on my mind, at least not on the surface. Is there something wrong with me?
How could I ever be "enough" for the average guy if I can't deliver what he is used to get from other men? I guess I would like to spend some sexual time with a guy I like and I'm attracted to, but it never is important enough for me to "arrange" it, and I having lived on this planet for 40 years I'm pretty much sure it needs to be arrranged, if it's supposed to happen...
Though then, when I don't "arrange" anything, I will turn 50, 60, 70, 80 if I'm lucky, die, maybe sooner, maybe later, lonely, as a virgin.
It's easy enough to get kinda satisfied from porn and masturbation, and the sex isn't my priority in guys anyway. I just don't know how to find a "match". It seems like everyone else is so much more sexual, more willing to take risks, more eager to get sex, while I'm just rolling my eyes at it mostly. Also my libido is so low (also due to my hormonal issues) that only the hottest 5% of the guys do anything to me.
I kinda lost orientation
In summary for those who don't know me, I'm 40, gay, virgin despite being out for nearly 2 decades, having lots of gay friends and been to lots of gay/friendly parties.
I "suffer" from a hormonal condition that delayed my physical development by 5-10 years, so that's why I still look like around 30. Do the maths, when I was 25, I looked like a teenager.
Anyway, back then I didn't fully understand the social / sexual effects.
From 25-30 there was a phase when I thought I was ugly. From 30-35 there was a phase when I thought I'm too old to begin with "kiddie stuff". From 35-40 I was damn sure I "just" have a sex phobia. Now I don't know anymore at all. Maybe it's all not important enough for me?
I'm a quite unsexual person I guess, I feel turned off by sexual talk, yeah I do want sex (I guess), but it's nowhere near my priorities. When I see a guy I get the fantasy to cuddle with him, to kiss him, to spend some time with him, but sexual things aren't on my mind, at least not on the surface. Is there something wrong with me?
How could I ever be "enough" for the average guy if I can't deliver what he is used to get from other men? I guess I would like to spend some sexual time with a guy I like and I'm attracted to, but it never is important enough for me to "arrange" it, and I having lived on this planet for 40 years I'm pretty much sure it needs to be arrranged, if it's supposed to happen...
Though then, when I don't "arrange" anything, I will turn 50, 60, 70, 80 if I'm lucky, die, maybe sooner, maybe later, lonely, as a virgin.
It's easy enough to get kinda satisfied from porn and masturbation, and the sex isn't my priority in guys anyway. I just don't know how to find a "match". It seems like everyone else is so much more sexual, more willing to take risks, more eager to get sex, while I'm just rolling my eyes at it mostly. Also my libido is so low (also due to my hormonal issues) that only the hottest 5% of the guys do anything to me.
I kinda lost orientation
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
