03-09-2016, 02:15 AM
Hey guys,
Needing a bit of advice. Last night myself and my partner of almost two years had a massive fight - now I'm not sure whether to end it or keep going.
Backstory: In early 2014, when my partner and I had been going out for perhaps 3 months I came over to his house unannounced and he was acting strange, trying to get me out of there. Knowing something was up, I got in my car and drove a small distance away. I saw a guy (who I knew to be one of his ex-fuck buddies) leaving his house - who he had hidden in his parents room while I was there. Unsure of how to confront I sat in my car trying to figure out what to do. He then called me and asked me if I wanted to come back over. I was so mad he thought I was that stupid to not question it. Seeing red/filled with rage I jumped out of the car, stormed into his house and flew into a yelling tirade. I had never felt so betrayed or hurt. Funnily enough I didn't leave him because in my rant I said something along the lines of 'I fucking love you' and saw his face light up. Not just a smile, but it was as though me saying that meant so much to him that he couldn't hide how happy it made him. It was there where he said 'I love you' back and I decided to give him another chance.
The issue: My partner never severed connection with the guy - and because I used to be quite meek and wasn't very confident I never stepped up and told my partner I wanted all contact severed. I did tell him I didn't like that they had contact and whenever they had a coffee I would tell him it made me uncomfortable. I guess I just wanted him to use initiative, respect my feelings/the anxiety it gives me and sever the connection himself. Anyway, 5 or so months ago, the guy deleted my partner from all social networks and blocked his number. Yesterday he decided to re-add him and they've been talking again. My partner told me in an attempt to be 'transparent' but the feelings of anxiety, hurt and betrayal are still there.
I told my partner I think it's better for our relationship if they no longer talk. I said that there's no reason for them to be in contact, we have a nice life, plenty of friends and everything we need. The guy has moved literally 5 houses down from my partners house where he lives during the working week. So you can imagine the anxiety this causes me if they are in contact.
I was as upfront and polite as I could be given the current circumstances and our past. He told me he thinks I am being unreasonable and that I don't trust him. I explained I trust him, but given the past with this particular person there is a justified amount of doubt there, which is a result of the betrayal and hurt. I explained it is only with this one particular person.
He got very mad and started getting agitated about how if I don't trust him I should leave. He said he should be able to speak with anyone he wants. This went on for a long time and made me feel incredibly guilty. I've tried explaining that he made the choices which put this in motion and he should have cut off contact with this person after the event. Now he keeps going on about trust.
I'm unsure of what I can do. I've written a letter to him to better articulate how it all makes me feel. I'm not sure what else I can do, please help with any advice you may have, even if it's harsh advice or you think I am being unreasonable.
Needing a bit of advice. Last night myself and my partner of almost two years had a massive fight - now I'm not sure whether to end it or keep going.
Backstory: In early 2014, when my partner and I had been going out for perhaps 3 months I came over to his house unannounced and he was acting strange, trying to get me out of there. Knowing something was up, I got in my car and drove a small distance away. I saw a guy (who I knew to be one of his ex-fuck buddies) leaving his house - who he had hidden in his parents room while I was there. Unsure of how to confront I sat in my car trying to figure out what to do. He then called me and asked me if I wanted to come back over. I was so mad he thought I was that stupid to not question it. Seeing red/filled with rage I jumped out of the car, stormed into his house and flew into a yelling tirade. I had never felt so betrayed or hurt. Funnily enough I didn't leave him because in my rant I said something along the lines of 'I fucking love you' and saw his face light up. Not just a smile, but it was as though me saying that meant so much to him that he couldn't hide how happy it made him. It was there where he said 'I love you' back and I decided to give him another chance.
The issue: My partner never severed connection with the guy - and because I used to be quite meek and wasn't very confident I never stepped up and told my partner I wanted all contact severed. I did tell him I didn't like that they had contact and whenever they had a coffee I would tell him it made me uncomfortable. I guess I just wanted him to use initiative, respect my feelings/the anxiety it gives me and sever the connection himself. Anyway, 5 or so months ago, the guy deleted my partner from all social networks and blocked his number. Yesterday he decided to re-add him and they've been talking again. My partner told me in an attempt to be 'transparent' but the feelings of anxiety, hurt and betrayal are still there.
I told my partner I think it's better for our relationship if they no longer talk. I said that there's no reason for them to be in contact, we have a nice life, plenty of friends and everything we need. The guy has moved literally 5 houses down from my partners house where he lives during the working week. So you can imagine the anxiety this causes me if they are in contact.
I was as upfront and polite as I could be given the current circumstances and our past. He told me he thinks I am being unreasonable and that I don't trust him. I explained I trust him, but given the past with this particular person there is a justified amount of doubt there, which is a result of the betrayal and hurt. I explained it is only with this one particular person.
He got very mad and started getting agitated about how if I don't trust him I should leave. He said he should be able to speak with anyone he wants. This went on for a long time and made me feel incredibly guilty. I've tried explaining that he made the choices which put this in motion and he should have cut off contact with this person after the event. Now he keeps going on about trust.
I'm unsure of what I can do. I've written a letter to him to better articulate how it all makes me feel. I'm not sure what else I can do, please help with any advice you may have, even if it's harsh advice or you think I am being unreasonable.
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