Gay men, relationship-phobia, and genuinity

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to believe in anymore. I'm in my mid 30's and have never really had a long term relationship.

I'm a natural introvert, but I used to try and go out and make new friends in the gay community. While I have, and have had fun doing so, most gay men I'm friends with are either partnered or not my type.

I get messages from guys on dating websites, again, mostly from guys I'm not interested in.

Guys at the bars aren't any better; they act like I owe them something for being nice/chatting after /they/ started the convo.

I hook-up on Grindr/Scruff maybe once a month or every other monthly, sometimes it's hot, but I'm usually not satisfied afterwards. I've never gotten a date out of hook-up, although I hear others do. Hell, most don't give their names, never mind a romantic opportunity.

I have never felt like the gay community (outside the online one) has ever fully embraced me. I don't feel adequate enough or "fabulous" enough. I've been told that I'm a good looking guy before, but the community alternately makes me feel either invisible, or like a piece of meat to be conquered.

I'm not souch looking for advice, as I've probably heard it before (do things you like and see if you can meet others with the same interest, etc) and the end result is still the same.

Does anyone else feel this way? I'd give up sex if it meant genuine love and affection, as opposed to being used and being told you're just not quite good enough repeatedly.