03-31-2016, 01:57 PM
My partner went to a gay sauna twice a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't plan to tell me. I only found out because I came home early the second time, and he wasn't there - and seemed so guilty looking I said he should just tell me. He said he'd never had the chance before, and really wanted to try it. It's true that when we became a couple 9 years ago he'd only had a few sexual experiences, whereas me being 5 years older and more open, had quite a lot more.
A few years ago he met someone online, had sex with them, and even allowed some naked photos of himself. I was mortified then, but we went to counselling and seemed to get over it. I suspected it at the time, and he convinced me otherwise - to the point I bought him flowers to apologise, which he accepted. Only later did I find the photo evidence.
In the background, the whole time I've been with him, there's been a tension where he's liked to use gay dating websites and apps. He's always scoffed that it was just him being nosey, despite acknowledging that in one case clearly it wasn't.
This second time around I've slept in the spare bedroom, and my partner actually cried about this. It makes me think he really cares about me, but then I wonder if I'm just being a mug?
He says that he knows whatever he says about it doesn't mean much, and he doesn't really understand the reasons he's done this.
I'm really torn between just giving up, despite that being an enormously painful prospect. I worry he's just afraid of being alone.
If we do stay together, I'm sure now that realistically I have to make this 'ok' in some sense, whether that means just him or both of us being able to have sex with others. If that's the case, I have loads of questions about how that works - but first I need to answer the more fundamental question, do I even try?
Anyway - confused, and looking for some advice. To be clear, I'm not expecting anyone to answer the subject question for me, but I would find some guidance useful!
A few years ago he met someone online, had sex with them, and even allowed some naked photos of himself. I was mortified then, but we went to counselling and seemed to get over it. I suspected it at the time, and he convinced me otherwise - to the point I bought him flowers to apologise, which he accepted. Only later did I find the photo evidence.
In the background, the whole time I've been with him, there's been a tension where he's liked to use gay dating websites and apps. He's always scoffed that it was just him being nosey, despite acknowledging that in one case clearly it wasn't.
This second time around I've slept in the spare bedroom, and my partner actually cried about this. It makes me think he really cares about me, but then I wonder if I'm just being a mug?
He says that he knows whatever he says about it doesn't mean much, and he doesn't really understand the reasons he's done this.
I'm really torn between just giving up, despite that being an enormously painful prospect. I worry he's just afraid of being alone.
If we do stay together, I'm sure now that realistically I have to make this 'ok' in some sense, whether that means just him or both of us being able to have sex with others. If that's the case, I have loads of questions about how that works - but first I need to answer the more fundamental question, do I even try?
Anyway - confused, and looking for some advice. To be clear, I'm not expecting anyone to answer the subject question for me, but I would find some guidance useful!
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