Hitting a Crossroads in My Life

[Anonymous]

Every now and then I get to thinking about getting married, having kids, settling down with a Woman. Then I think about the fact that I've never head sex with a woman and that most single women I would seek would likely have kids. Not saying that alone is a deal-breaker but does pose challenges, mostly with the ex. I also think that many woman would run at the fact that I have had several gay relationships and thus making it much more difficult for me to find someone worthwhile.

I took the Kinsey scale test and I got a 4 which basically says I'm 60% gay and 40% straight based on how I answered the questions which I feel that I answered them honestly.

With being gay in the southern US where they continue to try to roll the clock back to 1952 with the laws they keep trying to push through it is difficult, plus me being a bit of an introvert and not one to express myself. I don't like PDA and regretfully I felt somewhat ashamed. While it does seem selfish of myself to want to take the "easy" way out by dating women but it would be nice to get to a spot where I can not feel ashamed to hold hand, kiss or whatever in public. Then again I suppose one doesn't have to date someone of the opposite sex to feel comfortable, just an issue I haven't been able to work out about myself. I'd like do but I also feel that at time it is the same thing as asking me to get up on a stage on sing in front of an audience, while knowing I can't sing worth a crap.

So let me just say that based on both my feelings, the test I'm pretty much bi-sexual and I do not feel that this is me just not wanting to be gay anymore. I have a sister who got married a couple years ago, settled in her career, things seem to be going well and I will probably be an Uncle soon enough. I'd like that. I'd like to be settled down, comfortable, not having to worry about all the political chaos.

I don't expect a concrete answer like oh yes, you are straight, or oh no you're totally gay what are you thinking. For those who might have been in a similar situation or have any words of advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

I also don't want anyone to feel that I'm trying to take the easy way out and just not date guys, this keeps coming back every so often and I'm not 21 anymore and feel that time is running out for me to figure out what I really want. I feel like I have been sitting on idle for too long and having a black & white view on sexuality when I was younger, I know that is not the case. Sexuality is one colorful, weird thing about us humans and only society slaps labels on it. Unfortunately for me, if I do decide to try to date women my history of having gay relationships is going to be a hurdle for some, likely a deal-breaker for most. However, I feel that being upfront about it is the best thing to do rather than sweep parts of my life under the rug.