In a fair bit of trouble and seem to be doing alone

[Anonymous]

Hi

I need some sort of advice, I seem to find myself in the worse possible situation

Now I’ve been dating a guy for quiet sometime now, to the point we are engaged and I was pretty resolved.

I went looking for friends because I don’t have many at all in life, and I managed to make some but one guy in particular hit off really well, basically became best friends.

This new friend was single, whilst I was in a relationship and everything seems normal, tried my best to ensure he never felt like a third wheel or to throw things in his face so I kept things relatively separate.

I spent a lot of time with my friend because the other half really likes to go and do his own things.

Only a couple of days ago my friend got into a relationship, now I really wanted to be happy for him, I truly did, he was going to get the stuff I already had, but I found my heart was heavy and I really couldn’t grasp why

Then I admitted to myself the worse thing possible, I admitted to myself I had feelings for him. Really strong feelings for him

This wasn’t out of jealousy or anything, it was just the way he made me feel, and to know now that was never going to be.

Now from the start we made it clear that we were only in this for the friendship as how often do you hear about having gay best friends and he is quiet attractive to boot.

But now I’m in the situation of being really heartbroken, to the point the only way I think I can handle it is not to see him again.

But then not seeing him will depress me, I know that already. I am not his type and frankly I didn’t boil him to being my type apart from being attractive but I don’t just go for good looking people, I have to like guys that have heart and a sound personality and the amount of times my friend has p*$$ed me off with his political views, his closed points of view and sometimes he right stupid humor you would of thought I had nothing to worry about.

I was wrong, because clearly I felt otherwise without knowing it.

The issue is my partner has no clue, he has no clue, and I have become very distant and distracted over this all, and I’m seeking to resolve this.

Now I don’t need to hear, "you should be thankful for what you got" because trust me, I darn well am very thankful, I have a partner that would move the earth for me, and a best friend who would drop things at the tip of a hat and come and visit me for any reason, though we don’t live very close to one another and it’s a travelling nightmare between me and my friend.

The only thing I can say is I can stay as friends and continue without this guy knowing, but it will pretty much kill me inside watching him, feeling the way I do, with him being with someone else. And those with experience of depression know what that could lead to.

I do not blame the other person at all in the slightest, I find myself, blaming myself, for allowing myself to feel this way, but emotions are darn well hard to control that’s for sure.

Please someone, who might of had a similar situation or something please just tell me what I can do, my chest hurts so much!

Please help