Feel like Im cursed being Bi

[Lycanking55]

Hello everyone, I'm looking for a little help again as well as a place to just vent I guess.

I feel like a lot of people are going to disagree with me but I really do feel like being Bi is a curse for me and not a blessing. The problem is that I struggle to be physical or romantic with anyone, so I'm pretty much a one partner kind of person and usually long ish term, but how do I do that when no one person can be both ends of the spectrum? I simultaneously need a masculine fun guy who likes to take charge, and a sexy feminine girl who likes me being the guy. And I dont just mean a role thing, it has to be "real" for me to like it. Said bluntly, I want to feel a real cock and vagina when those are the things I want.

I know this may seem stupid to some of you but its sort of getting to me a lot lately. I'm with a girl right now that wasn't really supposed to be exclusive, and sort of just happened. I'm happy with everything in all ways but the one. So now I'm wanting to go out and try and find a guy form something and can't...

Maybe I'm missing something obvious but I don't know what it is, I'm just sort of depressed about it. I struggle with most everything that is related to sexuality, relationships and physical experiences so maybe I'm just being stupid.

Thanks for anyone that reads and hope your having a good night.