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There are no people of "same age" for me
#1
OK I try to write this as undepressive and as short as possible.

Some of you know me already, some don't, so excuse me if I am repeating some facts that I already mentioned in other threads.

I'm 40, but then again, I'm not.
I don't really care how old I am, but the point is, there are no "people of same age" for me, and that's why I feel lonely.

Let me explain...
I had my first orgasm at the age of 20. My sexual development was delayed due to a hormonal condition. I have no idea about the definition of puberty, but if it includes the discovery of the own sexuality, I had this in my early 20s, when I was already living on my own in another city, without knowing anyone. I never had someone "my age" to exchange with... while most people have friends of their same age in their puberty, I was alone in it.

Due to the hormonal condition and delayed physical development (my mental development was normal) I also looked very young, and still do, and at the age of 30 I looked no older than 18. Now I understand why no guy fancied me back then, because they probably thought I'm still a minor. Back then though, I thought it must be because I'm ugly as fuck and I got heavy depressions because of it.

Now I don't think I'm ugly anymore, but I understand it all so much better now.
In short, I never had a boyfriend or any sexual experience besides kissing.
Due to other issues, I also never had a proper job that lasted longer than a few weeks or months. My university degree is worthless, i got told from the job agency last year, which - again - gave me depressions, and now I'm at the point that I don't consider a normal career anymore for me. Career is a "non topic" for me now, so please don't recommend me to do this or that, it will only make me hate you. That's what happens with friends who keep suggesting that I should find a job - they are not my friends anymore.

ANYWAY...
No job experience, no job (finances are alright for the time being), no sexual experience, and did I mention I'm into younger guys? like 20-30? Anything else wouldn't work.

I'm a mess, because society established very tight boxes, and I don't fit into any.
I'm fine with having no job experience, I'm fine with having no sexual experience (despite missing having a nice guy by my side), but I'm not fine with having noone to talk to who's in the same situation.

I feel like everyone around 20 has achieved more in life than I did at the age of 40.
No, I don't just feel like that, it most likely is like that.

I don't care what other people think about me, if I don't meet their expectations then it's their problem, not mine, but I am lonely because I am all alone on the planet with this fucked up combination of issues, and I can't be bothered to meet "people of my actual age" because all that I will feel is getting looked down upon.

Also I'm not interested in their topics.

I met schoolmates at a birthday party in july, 2 straight couples, me in the middle, they talked about sleeping in bed together, they talked about jobs, and I had nothing to join into the talk.

I don't fit into the world of "people my age". I also don't fit into the world of 20 year olds.
I don't fit into any world. I am lonely.

And I have no idea where to find someone who fucking understands me.
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Messages In This Thread
There are no people of "same age" for me - by Aquarius - 09-15-2016, 07:54 PM
There are no people of "same age" for me - by Shawn - 09-16-2016, 06:34 AM

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