I'm so goddamn lonely

[1145]

I don't know why I'm posting. I just need to vent. I am in my late 20s and finally came out. I've been dating a wonderful girl who I legitimately love for a very log time. I'm scared that I'm actually 100% gay. Since coming out to her and everyone around me as bi, it seems like my fantasies and imaginings of the future involve me being with a guy. It's not a purely sexual attraction, I can't really explain it. I don't have gay friends. I have been to some gay bars, used online dating, attended a pride fest and becoming comfortable with not being straight. But I still feel so completely alone. She accepts my sexuality and it doesn't seem to bother her, but since coming out I feel considerably less attracted to her physically. I stay emotionally attached though. We have even opened our relationship to where I have the liberty to explore the homosexual side of my sexuality. But I don't want sex. I want a man to fee close to in a romantic sense. Ugh, I just can't make sense of how I feel anymore. I can't leave her even though that seems like the responsible decision. And I have trouble meeting guys because I'm slightly intimidated and nervous with social anxiety. I can't really have an ongoing relationship with a man if that opportunity came, because I'm with my girlfriend. She tries to understand but I can't share every thought in my head. I feel so alone and for some reason it feels like having a sweet, sympathetic guy to spend time with would fix everything. But maybe it would just cause more problems. I don't know. This is awful.