Gemini
11-07-2016, 04:53 PM
I've read articles that claim monogamy is impossible for gay men, and I've read comments both pro and con on here. I don't think that monogamy is impossible. I just think that people enter into it too quickly and too lightly, with no real understanding of what it actually means.
I see guys who have one or two dates, and say they're in a serious, monogamous relationship. Guys younger than me, even. It seems to me that some guys use monogamy as a way to hold onto their partner, a sort of ironclad guarantee that they'll stay together.
I'm not into NSA and random hookups. On the other hand, I'm 22 years old and I don't see how I can promise a guy I've just met that it will be him and only him for the next 50+ years.
I think that for my age, I have my life pretty well on track. I have my own place and a job I love that offers a clear path for advancement. I have a great, supportive family and a few good friends. But, emotionally and in terms of life experience and maturity, I have a looong way to grow.
When I start dating someone, if the subject of monogamy comes up, I tell them that I usually date only one person at a time (lol these days with work and school I barely have time for one guy), but that I'm not ready to promise monogamy right away. I would need to date someone for quite a while and be very sure of my feelings before I did that. The last guy I said that to called me a slut lol. What's interesting is that it seems to be a total turnoff for a lot of guys my age, while older guys are more inclined to respect the way I feel.
I also don't think that monogamy is carved in stone. People change, relationships change. For instance, I really want to have a child someday. If I'm lucky enough to be in a stable relationship and able to do that, I would want monogamy while we were raising a child. Kids go through enough confusing shit in this world, at the very least they deserve a drama free zone at home. But things might be different before or after that period.
It seems to me that honesty and communication are the important things, and not promises that may or may not be workable in the long run.
I see guys who have one or two dates, and say they're in a serious, monogamous relationship. Guys younger than me, even. It seems to me that some guys use monogamy as a way to hold onto their partner, a sort of ironclad guarantee that they'll stay together.
I'm not into NSA and random hookups. On the other hand, I'm 22 years old and I don't see how I can promise a guy I've just met that it will be him and only him for the next 50+ years.
I think that for my age, I have my life pretty well on track. I have my own place and a job I love that offers a clear path for advancement. I have a great, supportive family and a few good friends. But, emotionally and in terms of life experience and maturity, I have a looong way to grow.
When I start dating someone, if the subject of monogamy comes up, I tell them that I usually date only one person at a time (lol these days with work and school I barely have time for one guy), but that I'm not ready to promise monogamy right away. I would need to date someone for quite a while and be very sure of my feelings before I did that. The last guy I said that to called me a slut lol. What's interesting is that it seems to be a total turnoff for a lot of guys my age, while older guys are more inclined to respect the way I feel.
I also don't think that monogamy is carved in stone. People change, relationships change. For instance, I really want to have a child someday. If I'm lucky enough to be in a stable relationship and able to do that, I would want monogamy while we were raising a child. Kids go through enough confusing shit in this world, at the very least they deserve a drama free zone at home. But things might be different before or after that period.
It seems to me that honesty and communication are the important things, and not promises that may or may not be workable in the long run.
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