In need of your help, for real. Desperate.

[Anonymous]

Hi.

I think I might be hiv positive.

As this is not the first time for me to have "hiv scares" I must admit this time I actually got the reason to worry.

I am moderately educated on HIV but I really need you people to back me up and share information and, to be frank, show support.

I noticed I have one swollen lymph node under my cheekbone, my gums are bleeding and I have hpv from before.

All of the above count as early symptoms of hiv. I haven't had flu-like symptoms so far, no severe headaches, no fatigue, sore throat or similar.

For the record, I haven't had any unprotected sex during the last year at least except the instance when my condom broke, after which I immediately pulled out.

I am thinking about it all the time, for days on end. Even during the busiest hours at work, this thought lingers and it's eating me out. It cannot be stopped.

I don't live in the United States, the UK nor anywhere in the Western Europe, my country fortunately lets HIV treatment be covered under public healthcare.
My insurance is paid by my company and I am one hundred percent sure the moment they realized I had HIV medication in my records, I'd be laid off. Even though there are laws, they would get away with it and no one would bat an eye.

If this turns out to be true, I'd have to keep it a complete secret. No one could know.

Boy, I'm really desperate.

The very thought of me going there and getting tested terrifies me to the point I can barely breathe. I know how traumatic it was the last time I tested and was negative.

I just don't know if I could carry on with my life. I am seriously considering suicide. The only argument against it is my family.


Also, even though I'd be able to obtain medication and some treatment, I am sure it's not as good as it is in developed countries, but what can I do. Something tells me I really got it this time.


I would REALLY, REALLY appreciate if there are some poz guys here who could share their experiences, tell me about their first symptoms et cettera. Not just them, anyone who's got information regarding this. Basically anything.

My apologies for making this post so long, but this might be the biggest crap I've intended upon myself.