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Overcoming past feelings and not settling for the 'next man up'
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Hey fellas, I've got a bit of an issue that I've probably already got the solution for but I wanted to see if any of you guys have been through a similar scenario and see how you got through it. There's several different things going on here so feel free to pick one or all to comment on (or none haha)!

Long story short, I believe I fell hard in love with a guy that didn't feel the same way. We talked about being more than friends but he was "never ready" and then all of a sudden he ran off with an ex from several years ago and hasn't spoken to me in over a month which I know isn't that long and I probably will never hear from him either.

Anyway, I met another guy that I kind of like. We've hung out a couple times but I had a really terrible thing happen when I left after the last time we got together. We went to lunch, watched a movie and made out. Honestly it was probably too soon for me to do anything intimate and I've since realized that. The issue is after I left I got that heart sinking, pit in your stomach feeling and started thinking, "Why couldn't that have been the other guy" which is miserable. Especially since me and this new guy had a good time. This is the first time I got that feeling and I contribute it solely to the cuddling and making out. Other times we hung out I had no "flashbacks" or bad feelings afterwards. It is definitely nice to have someone want to spend time with me that's for sure. I feel that I've been ready to be in a relationship with one guy for so long that I'm going to settle or take the next available and I know that won't end well.

The obvious answer is I'm not ready to be intimate with someone else and that it's too soon to try and be anything more than just friends with anyone. It's extremely unfair to both of us. I guess my question is: is the only "cure" for getting over someone and then getting comfortable being in a potential relationship again the cliche answer of time? I've read several other posts on here about getting over someone and all that which has helped a bit. But if I keep thinking about someone else or go from having a good time to being sad/depressed after even the most basic forms of intimacy, then I obviously can't keep going.

In another light, what's the best way to tell this guy that I'm not ready. That I'm just looking for a few more friends without sounding like I'm not interested but also not leading him on? Is 100% transparency/honesty the best way to go in this? I don't want him to think I'm holding on to someone else or anything...

Thanks guys and Happy Thanksgiving (for those in the States)!
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Messages In This Thread
Overcoming past feelings and not settling for the 'next man up' - by pman117 - 11-24-2016, 08:29 PM

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