12-05-2016, 11:21 AM
Hi, I'm RhinoPrime. I'm 34 and just coming to terms with my sexuality which is difficult because I am a member of a religion that frowns on same sex relationships.
Every day is a struggle because of the loneliness and the deep fear that I am becoming an atheist. I don't see any way to reconcile my spiritual beliefs with my sexuality. I just know that I am tired of hearing that I'm broken or somehow innately wrong for feeling what I feel for men. I am also tired of people assuming that it is lust or just about sex. I have sexual urges like any other person but I also have a tendency to fall in love very hard. I like romance but I am dying inside because I can not express that part of myself.
I don't have to give up my faith but I feel like it has been dying on its own because of all the repression and self loathing instilled in me since I was a child. I knew I was different when I was very young. I am out to my brother and a few close associates but I am still lonely and feel like I can't be myself. I don't think I can live the rest of my life without someone. It seems so far away, that word that is reserved for straight people, that word that is tossed around so freely that it seems to have lost all meaning. I feel like half my life is already gone, more than half if you count my poor health but I can't seem to move forward.
It would do me a lot of good to make friends with people who are like me. So hi there everybody. I'm not usually this melodramatic but I have been very depressed lately. Looking forward to a few laughs and new friendships. I just need some support and encouragement from people who won't see me as some kind of freak of nature behind fake smiles.
I am into gaming but I have severe anxiety and can barely play online with the friends I do have. I like to read mostly science fiction/ fantasy and horror. I also secretly write erotica when I am not moping about. I love epic trailer music and I listen to it while daydreaming the stories I create in my head (maladaptive daydreaming). Yeah, I know I am strange but I don't mind.
Nice to meet you all. Please excuse my rambling. It is 4:20 am here and I should be asleep.
Every day is a struggle because of the loneliness and the deep fear that I am becoming an atheist. I don't see any way to reconcile my spiritual beliefs with my sexuality. I just know that I am tired of hearing that I'm broken or somehow innately wrong for feeling what I feel for men. I am also tired of people assuming that it is lust or just about sex. I have sexual urges like any other person but I also have a tendency to fall in love very hard. I like romance but I am dying inside because I can not express that part of myself.
I don't have to give up my faith but I feel like it has been dying on its own because of all the repression and self loathing instilled in me since I was a child. I knew I was different when I was very young. I am out to my brother and a few close associates but I am still lonely and feel like I can't be myself. I don't think I can live the rest of my life without someone. It seems so far away, that word that is reserved for straight people, that word that is tossed around so freely that it seems to have lost all meaning. I feel like half my life is already gone, more than half if you count my poor health but I can't seem to move forward.
It would do me a lot of good to make friends with people who are like me. So hi there everybody. I'm not usually this melodramatic but I have been very depressed lately. Looking forward to a few laughs and new friendships. I just need some support and encouragement from people who won't see me as some kind of freak of nature behind fake smiles.
I am into gaming but I have severe anxiety and can barely play online with the friends I do have. I like to read mostly science fiction/ fantasy and horror. I also secretly write erotica when I am not moping about. I love epic trailer music and I listen to it while daydreaming the stories I create in my head (maladaptive daydreaming). Yeah, I know I am strange but I don't mind.
Nice to meet you all. Please excuse my rambling. It is 4:20 am here and I should be asleep.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
