Depressed at 57 AGAIN!.......

[InbetweenDreams]

Thanks for all your kind responses. I talked to my mom and my dad separately. They have been divorced for many years. my mom lives in north Arkansas. I talked to her right after I posted this thread. She told me that if i moved and things didn't work out with Joel (who I told her he was my friend) She would not help me out financially and I would wind up homeless. The Joel guy...I broke up with him shortly after I had that talk with her. I told him my situation and it made him mad. Just tonight I talked to my dad about all a together different living situation that is going on now and he more or less told me the same thing. AS far as my parents are concerned I am a lost cause. They do NOT give me the grace to change. I wish I could have my own life without their very un-empathic support! All they care about is their money....They pressured me back in the day-2002-to apply for disability because they would not support me, but I have two half brothers who on separate sides of this screwed up family get support from them. To me it looks like my lifeline with another man is just a pipedream....I've been searching since 2019 and exhausted my search to find a compatible guy. It just makes me want to leave Ark after the first of the year and not look back ever!!! I think it is to my benefit to start saving and looking for my own vehicle.

Not sure if you wanted to go into more detail as to what happened, it's fine if you don't. So if you were to move out, if you needed to come back that your father would refuse to help you?

So what about your situation made Joel mad? I see you have been searching for a couple years to find a compatible guy. That sort of stuff can take a long time, sometimes you find someone and things go well for months, years only to find that it doesn't work out. However, I don't think it means you should throw the towel in. My advice however, is that you seek out activities, groups and alike to get yourself out there, make friends. Friends do come and go as well but they're more likely to stick around than guys you date. Only the first guy I dated stays in touch with me and the rest I don't talk to.

I assume, if I may, that you might not be accustomed to socializing, mingling with people? I think that getting yourself outside and involved in things, whether it be hobbies or some other interest is going to be beneficial. Maybe there's a local PFLAG group or something along those lines that you can take part of? I also think you should keep your mental health in check, if you see a therapist, keep going, if you don't consider working with one if you can and have the resources to do so. The point is that I think that you making friends and finding social activities is more important than trying to deliberately find a guy. In fact I think taking the other route with friends is more likely to take you to what you're looking for.

I don't know what your work experience is, life experience as in being independant. It's tough out in the world and regardless of anyone's case, being in your 50's is going to be a big jump and learning to cope with all these changes and demands that life brings is difficult and unpredictable for anyone. Not saying not to make the leap but also not saying you should. How do you feel about living independently and not likely to have a cushion to fall on should things not work out the way you intend?