Need some advice

[Anon94]

Hello! I recently had to guts and started exploring something i should have a long time ago...So i have known for some time that i am gay...i was always attracted by the top/masculine guys and tried going bottom...i managed the cleaning stuff and everything but i coldnt relax myself for anal...at a point i started feeling pain even from fingering. I stoped it and i tried it home alone ( the prostate massage). I realised that im feeling the need to defecate more than i feel pleasure. I was going for the anal orgasm but i cant get there even when im alone...i dont really know what to think about this, and cant really find any info about this online. Do you have any advice?