I'm probably gray-ace, but thinking maybe stay unlabeled?

[dreamerboy]

Hi, I'm 34 and think I might be in the gray area of asexual/aromantic. I can only recall one instance in high school where I had a heteroromantic interest (with no sexual attraction), but that soon vanished as soon as I learned this person didn't feel the same. I doubt I'm really gay because it seems only one life event that involved a girl led to being temporarily fantasizing sex with her brother. 

Basically this is what happened: I was worrying what she was into me, she left me on read for weeks, I got livid when she responded, she blocked me, and I kept trying to contact her to get reassurance that she isn't blocking to punish me, then her brother intervenes by having my emails redirected to him. Then I start seeking reassurance from him but all he says if give her space, I get left on read and blocked too. Meanwhile I'm obsessing over being blocked and not having the reassurance that I wasn't being punished, I would fantasize sex with him to numb my emotional pain. Then after 4 years, he gives me reassurance and a year recently past and I noticed I no longer have these fantasies about him anymore. 

So my experience makes me really uncertain about really labeling myself gay. I seem to be very much asexual and I don't see how suddenly having temporary fantasies or urges would change that. I still experience urges to lurk on this guy's social media using alternate accounts, but I cut off contact with him though. I don't think those urges of curiosity makes me a stalker, does it? If it did, it makes me wonder if denying urges means denying who you really are, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Anyways, I don't think I have actual sexual attractions, I just had a time when I used fantasy penetration to numb emotional pain.

I've come out as asexual recently and it was really no surprise to anyone at this point of my life. My family and friends are cool with that.