10-11-2010, 07:24 PM
I haven't dated anyone since the end of 2005. I haven't even made much of an effort. The last "relationship" lasted about a year, it was long-distance which just didn't work out and I don't think I'll ever try that again.
Before that, I was in a relationship for three years until 2004. I was completely in love with the guy, but he abruptly said he felt conflicted about his sexuality and didn't want to string me along while he tries to figure out if he should be with a woman. I was initially very devastated, and went into a serious year-long bout of depression and anxiety. I had wanted to marry the guy and had all sorts of dreams wrapped up in a future life together. It's taken a long time to let go of all that. To this day I still love him and care about him, but I accept that he doesn't feel the same way anymore.
I'm a decent-looking guy, I don't smoke or use drugs, and I honestly look 10 years younger (it's in the family genes thank God lol), so if I put myself out there, I'm pretty sure I could get some bites and start dating. But something is preventing me from doing so... and it worries me. Time is ticking and the longer I wait, the less likely I will meet someone.
How do I get past the fear of getting into another relationship and risk him dumping me after a few years? I don't want to go through that heartache again, and unfortunately I have this idea in my head that gay men are all fickle and constantly looking for the next best thing. I hate to be jaded, I really do, I used to tell myself I would never be like this, but here I am! Ugh.
There is another issue that is preventing me from dating, and that is my lack of confidence about my career. I've had some setbacks, some of which happened during my bout of depression several years back. I am not where I wanted to be financially or career-wise. I'm totally self-sufficient, I work hard and pay my bills and I'm completely debt-free, but I don't own a house and I can't see myself being able to do so within the next 5 years. There is a part of me that is a little ashamed of how little money I make in comparison to others. But I'm a good person who lives within his means and I have a big heart. Am I right in thinking I face rejection of possible guys because I don't have a big career and I am not money-driven?
I guess what I really need to do is just take some risks and let the cards fall where they may. Better than doing nothing and growing old with regrets, right?
Before that, I was in a relationship for three years until 2004. I was completely in love with the guy, but he abruptly said he felt conflicted about his sexuality and didn't want to string me along while he tries to figure out if he should be with a woman. I was initially very devastated, and went into a serious year-long bout of depression and anxiety. I had wanted to marry the guy and had all sorts of dreams wrapped up in a future life together. It's taken a long time to let go of all that. To this day I still love him and care about him, but I accept that he doesn't feel the same way anymore.
I'm a decent-looking guy, I don't smoke or use drugs, and I honestly look 10 years younger (it's in the family genes thank God lol), so if I put myself out there, I'm pretty sure I could get some bites and start dating. But something is preventing me from doing so... and it worries me. Time is ticking and the longer I wait, the less likely I will meet someone.
How do I get past the fear of getting into another relationship and risk him dumping me after a few years? I don't want to go through that heartache again, and unfortunately I have this idea in my head that gay men are all fickle and constantly looking for the next best thing. I hate to be jaded, I really do, I used to tell myself I would never be like this, but here I am! Ugh.
There is another issue that is preventing me from dating, and that is my lack of confidence about my career. I've had some setbacks, some of which happened during my bout of depression several years back. I am not where I wanted to be financially or career-wise. I'm totally self-sufficient, I work hard and pay my bills and I'm completely debt-free, but I don't own a house and I can't see myself being able to do so within the next 5 years. There is a part of me that is a little ashamed of how little money I make in comparison to others. But I'm a good person who lives within his means and I have a big heart. Am I right in thinking I face rejection of possible guys because I don't have a big career and I am not money-driven?
I guess what I really need to do is just take some risks and let the cards fall where they may. Better than doing nothing and growing old with regrets, right?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
