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Let's talk about SEX .... or not
#1
Well, lately I just can't wake up without thinking about sex, for the worse -

or more specifically, other people's sex. My partners. Even when I'm watching porn there are certain scenes and situations that relate to some negative memory relating to a loved one. They did this or that.

It's really awful and debilitating to the point where I'm starting to make a lot of negative associations towards sex which are unfounded. This person did this so therefore they are bad/slutty - that's complete rubbish, yet my brain continues to engage it. It's hypocritical, immature, persistent. It's simply association. For someone who dishes out advice on technique on here I have a lot of insecurity when people actually get down to talking about it casually in person. Sometimes even real pangs of pain or guilt when something is directly related to a trigger memory.

A long time ago I used to enjoy smut for what it was, and being with other people, but lately it seems that love and loss have really tainted a lot of the things I used to enjoy. I want to erase these associations so I can experience pain-free (mentally) enjoyment of sex. My partner and I are both quite happy in that department and I haven't mentioned this to him, however some his recent revelations, combined with an old ex, are the main catalyst for this whole thing.

I need mind-wipe, or to deal with these issues, they're really eating me up and spoiling a really special part of life for me. At one time I even wanted to cheat and have casual sex just to blast the whole thing into perspective; but that was when I knew it was becoming more serious...

I started sex pretty late in life by most standards at 21, and have had a moderate amount less experience than my partner, although some of these were casual which irks me the most. I feel now it's all boiling over into an actual want that could cause real problems for someone I love. We've talked about an open-relationship but it wouldn't be ideal.
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Messages In This Thread
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by Sil - 10-18-2010, 03:53 PM
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by juk - 10-18-2010, 06:04 PM
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by SlipknotRlZZ - 10-18-2010, 08:11 PM
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by TimmyThink - 10-18-2010, 08:14 PM
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by Sil - 10-18-2010, 09:09 PM
Let's talk about SEX .... or not - by TimmyThink - 10-18-2010, 09:41 PM

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