10-24-2010, 11:40 PM
Im so worried that the eating disorder i worked so hard to get over is coming back. I donât know who to talk about this to because it is very difficult for me to tell friends and family and i think it might be difficult for them too. I was diagnosed with anorexia at 13 after a diet decided to put myself on got wildly out of control. I managed to avoid hospitalisation but it was bad enough that i was stopped doing PE, then made to go home for lunch so i could be monitored then finally i had to stay off school for a long period, were I was put on bed rest at home then had to go to a day unit everyday, because those were the only conditions theyâd let me stay out of hospital. The illness took away my teenage years, trying to fight this battle and seeing lots of different kind of professionals, but at 19 i finally recovered and got discharged. I still am only comfortable to watch what i eat and have a relatively low weight (but not dangerously low).
But here is the problem. Recently iâve started to feel âfatâ quite often and im very aware of people round me and if I think there thinner than me. I get quite concerned about it and feel strongly like i should be thinner when I see them. I feel like iâve been restricting diet a bit more and today found out i lost a few pounds. I felt that familiar rush of happiness seeing it. Iâm so scared about going down that path again. My life is so much better now, i have friends, a job, I go out and have fun- i have a life, not just anorexia. I really donât want to lose that but the lure can be so strong, even though rationally I know its not worth it.
Iâm worried about telling family and friends because I donât want to put them through that again and it is hard to talk about. It will worry them. And iâm not keen on telling the dr because i donât want to get referred back to the services i worked so hard to get discharged from. I still hold out hope that itâs not far gone enough to need that.
I hope this doesnât all sound petty or vain. It is really hard to explain how awful anorexia feels to people who donât have it. Thanks so much.xx
But here is the problem. Recently iâve started to feel âfatâ quite often and im very aware of people round me and if I think there thinner than me. I get quite concerned about it and feel strongly like i should be thinner when I see them. I feel like iâve been restricting diet a bit more and today found out i lost a few pounds. I felt that familiar rush of happiness seeing it. Iâm so scared about going down that path again. My life is so much better now, i have friends, a job, I go out and have fun- i have a life, not just anorexia. I really donât want to lose that but the lure can be so strong, even though rationally I know its not worth it.
Iâm worried about telling family and friends because I donât want to put them through that again and it is hard to talk about. It will worry them. And iâm not keen on telling the dr because i donât want to get referred back to the services i worked so hard to get discharged from. I still hold out hope that itâs not far gone enough to need that.
I hope this doesnât all sound petty or vain. It is really hard to explain how awful anorexia feels to people who donât have it. Thanks so much.xx
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
