12-15-2010, 03:24 AM
I am not sure what I am anymore and freaking out.....I hope that somebody here could give me insight on what I am feeling. This is going to be a very long post but please bare with me and help me.
Basically I don't wanna be gay but my mind tells me I'm gay, and never wanted to be gay in the past....but recently I've been getting aroused by men and I don't know anymore...
It's very weird to me because I had never before in my life had the slightest feelings or been sexually toward men. The thought of getting on with a man had never even crossed my mind in all my 23 years of life. But now those thoughts cross my mind and it's driving me nuts because those gay thoughts keep crossing my mind and I don't wanna be gay......
My sexual encounters have not been very good ones....but nevertheless my cock always got hard even though I wasn't attracted to the girls I was having sex with. The girls i've had sex with are mostly grandmas, obese women, and crack heads...I know gross but I have really low self esteem and thought that's all i could get.
As for my porn habits...well I've been addicted to it since I was 14 or so. I started jerking off to pictures of girls in bikinis and the nude girls and then straight porn. As my addiction continued thru the years my taste in porn became more and more weird....I would jerk off to trannies, incest porn, and gangbangs. But I can't get it up to girls anymore....i remember the sight of boobies and tits and vaginas greatly arousing me but they don't anymore....and now i picture myself fucking a guy in the ass and I do get aroused and this scares me because I don't wanna be gay.
As for the emotional...I've always wanted a girl with whom I can share myself completely....the thought of sharing myself completely with a guy and being in love with him has never crossed my mind....I have never had any sexual or romantic thoughts toward my male friends but now I think I am having these thoughts....
when I go out in public I always check out women for some reason....but i picture myself fucking them and nothing...but then i picture myself fucking guys and i get horny.
I'm just really confused.......i feel that if i had gotten emotionally close to a girl in my teenage years and had sex with a girl I found very attractive I wouldn't be having these thoughts....
Basically I don't wanna be gay but my mind tells me I'm gay, and never wanted to be gay in the past....but recently I've been getting aroused by men and I don't know anymore...
It's very weird to me because I had never before in my life had the slightest feelings or been sexually toward men. The thought of getting on with a man had never even crossed my mind in all my 23 years of life. But now those thoughts cross my mind and it's driving me nuts because those gay thoughts keep crossing my mind and I don't wanna be gay......
My sexual encounters have not been very good ones....but nevertheless my cock always got hard even though I wasn't attracted to the girls I was having sex with. The girls i've had sex with are mostly grandmas, obese women, and crack heads...I know gross but I have really low self esteem and thought that's all i could get.
As for my porn habits...well I've been addicted to it since I was 14 or so. I started jerking off to pictures of girls in bikinis and the nude girls and then straight porn. As my addiction continued thru the years my taste in porn became more and more weird....I would jerk off to trannies, incest porn, and gangbangs. But I can't get it up to girls anymore....i remember the sight of boobies and tits and vaginas greatly arousing me but they don't anymore....and now i picture myself fucking a guy in the ass and I do get aroused and this scares me because I don't wanna be gay.
As for the emotional...I've always wanted a girl with whom I can share myself completely....the thought of sharing myself completely with a guy and being in love with him has never crossed my mind....I have never had any sexual or romantic thoughts toward my male friends but now I think I am having these thoughts....
when I go out in public I always check out women for some reason....but i picture myself fucking them and nothing...but then i picture myself fucking guys and i get horny.
I'm just really confused.......i feel that if i had gotten emotionally close to a girl in my teenage years and had sex with a girl I found very attractive I wouldn't be having these thoughts....
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