12-18-2010, 01:40 PM
I've never really posted on forums before but living in a small town in Texas people are more liberal to the idea of a man having relations with a farm animal than another man...
I very scared of these feelings I'm having. To me sexual orientation is not a matter of gay or straight but a matter of attraction. It seems that everyone wants to be polarized, only accepting the ideals of themselves and the people that surround them. The Issue is that now I think I may be gay.
I've never had a sexual/romantic relationship with another man and because I am 18 and just realizing this I feel like this is coming late in life, I feel I would have noticed something sooner. I recently was introduced to a "friend of a friend" who's brother happens to be gay. Not only is he gay but his partner lives in the house with them. This really showed me how a gay couple can be something more than just sex. They had such a loving and compassionate relationship, there was a real connection and I found myself very jealous of that.
There are really two problems I have with really being honest with these feelings or dismissing them. The first is, I have never had any real sexual attraction to men. Growing up where I did I was always expected to like girls. I find myself becoming less attracted to women though, and I've never watched gay porn just because as a straight man I had no need but now in this time of crisis I'm afraid to (I've been shaking the whole time I've been writing this.) My second issue is that I think I might just be afraid of a relationship with a woman and I'm subconsciously trying to find an alternative. The about last year the girl I was dating got pregnant. I desperately wanted to raise my child despite being so young, unfortunately she decided to get an abortion. This took a very heavy toll on me.
After a lot of consideration I think I owe it to myself to explore these feelings. I would really some support with this as well as maybe meeting some people I can connect with on this issue, and if I do finally realize that I'm gay then maybe this is where I will find other people to make me feel well.... normal! I've felt like different my whole life but if I come out it would alienate me completely from a lot of people. I could use friends who would be there despite my sexual orientation.
I very scared of these feelings I'm having. To me sexual orientation is not a matter of gay or straight but a matter of attraction. It seems that everyone wants to be polarized, only accepting the ideals of themselves and the people that surround them. The Issue is that now I think I may be gay.
I've never had a sexual/romantic relationship with another man and because I am 18 and just realizing this I feel like this is coming late in life, I feel I would have noticed something sooner. I recently was introduced to a "friend of a friend" who's brother happens to be gay. Not only is he gay but his partner lives in the house with them. This really showed me how a gay couple can be something more than just sex. They had such a loving and compassionate relationship, there was a real connection and I found myself very jealous of that.
There are really two problems I have with really being honest with these feelings or dismissing them. The first is, I have never had any real sexual attraction to men. Growing up where I did I was always expected to like girls. I find myself becoming less attracted to women though, and I've never watched gay porn just because as a straight man I had no need but now in this time of crisis I'm afraid to (I've been shaking the whole time I've been writing this.) My second issue is that I think I might just be afraid of a relationship with a woman and I'm subconsciously trying to find an alternative. The about last year the girl I was dating got pregnant. I desperately wanted to raise my child despite being so young, unfortunately she decided to get an abortion. This took a very heavy toll on me.
After a lot of consideration I think I owe it to myself to explore these feelings. I would really some support with this as well as maybe meeting some people I can connect with on this issue, and if I do finally realize that I'm gay then maybe this is where I will find other people to make me feel well.... normal! I've felt like different my whole life but if I come out it would alienate me completely from a lot of people. I could use friends who would be there despite my sexual orientation.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
