I'm gay but not out to anyone yet

[trevormartins]

I Trevor-Kenny Martins and am 24yrs Model from South Africa

I'm gay but not out to anyone yet,I've never kissed a guy. I've never had sex. I've never held hands.I cry at least once every day, because I am lonely and ashamed of disclosing my gay status.I am so horribly depressed that I think I'm going to kill myself soon.

I realized I was gay at age 16. I came to that realization practically overnight when I
developed a crush on a boy I though I hated. Suddenly I couldn't get enough of him, I
thought I was in love. Being young and ignorant I couldn't accept that he didn't feel the
same way. I didn't feel that God, or fate would be so cruel as to give me such intense
feelings if he didn't reciprocate them. So I went after him with everything I had and he
continually rebuffed me. Still I wouldn't accept that he didn't love me.

Being gay is wrong in South Africa and its seen as a Curse and I wana be Free and be able to express my sexuality without any inhibitions

I was brought up in a church background from when I was living,My dad is from Scotland and used to be a Vicar at a catholic Church in capetown and my Mum is Afrikaner.I believe in God. I was born into a family of four,that includes my I just graduated from the Art school this year

I just want someone to talk to about this situation who isn't going to ditch I really want
some to support me and just hold me and be with me when I'm sad. I would prefer a boyfriend

I am simple and straight forward,open and easy to get on with,I have my whole heart filled with love which i am ready to give unconditionally as such I wana relocate to the United states and Live there forever.

Would you be interested in helping me i will be eternally grateful.