01-10-2011, 07:24 AM
This may be a bit of a long post and I apologize in advance.
This is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I feel so terrible and humiliated. There's no one that I know personally that I feel comfortable talking about this to, so that's why I'm doing it here, with people I don't know.
About a month ago I met a man. There was mutual sparks ( so I came to find out), but I kept my end of it under wraps. I'm very much in the closet ( and considered myself a top). We would just talk and eventually it got a bit more flirty. Finally he confided in me that he was gay. I didn't really say anything other than that it didn't bother me. He said he liked my way of carrying myself. To him I was strong and solid and a "man's man." Well about a week ago he invited me over his house for a New Years drink. I knew in my heart that I was going to let him know just how attracted I was to him. So when I arrived, I sat on his couch while he made us a drink. Unknown to me, he somehow knew that I wanted him. He came back into the living room and`sat next to me. Within a moment we started kissing. Now I'm going to cut out the details. Suffice to say he walked me into his bedroom. The lights were off. here is where my life has seemed to change. I am a strong man. Always have been. but what happened next has literally wrecked me.
We laid on his bed. He took my clothes off and began to massage me. I rolled on my stomach while he used lotion to rub my back. In a little while he decided to go for me. I did not know what he was up to. He proceeded to enter me. The embarrassing thing was that it happened so fast and I was helpless. he was so big that the pain just shot right through me. I couldn't move to fight him off. I screamed and then began to cry like a little baby. I haven't cried over anything in years. he was hurting me so much that I was actually wailing. The more I cried, the more he got turned on. He kept pushing my face into the pillow to muffle me. The only good thing i guess was that he was so turned on, he came fairly fast. But even after he pulled out i just laid in his bed and kept crying for about 5-10 minutes.
During that time, he went to the bathroom and cleaned up. When he came back to the bedroom he was like a different person than the guy I knew for the previous month. He started calling me his bitch and calling my butt a pussy and things like that. I was so messed up in the head that the more he spoke, the more I cried. I have never been so humiliated in my life. When I saw his cock in the light, I actually felt ashamed of my body. The last thing he did to me was put it in my mouth. To be honest, I didn't even try to stop him by that point. I felt so totally broken.
I just was always the tough guy. I am still just a mess over this. I never thought I could be dominated in a sense. My dilemma isn't him. I never want to see or speak to him again. My dilemma is my psyche. I feel like a "sissy." has anyone ever had these types of crushing feelings? I'm lost.
Thanks
This is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I feel so terrible and humiliated. There's no one that I know personally that I feel comfortable talking about this to, so that's why I'm doing it here, with people I don't know.
About a month ago I met a man. There was mutual sparks ( so I came to find out), but I kept my end of it under wraps. I'm very much in the closet ( and considered myself a top). We would just talk and eventually it got a bit more flirty. Finally he confided in me that he was gay. I didn't really say anything other than that it didn't bother me. He said he liked my way of carrying myself. To him I was strong and solid and a "man's man." Well about a week ago he invited me over his house for a New Years drink. I knew in my heart that I was going to let him know just how attracted I was to him. So when I arrived, I sat on his couch while he made us a drink. Unknown to me, he somehow knew that I wanted him. He came back into the living room and`sat next to me. Within a moment we started kissing. Now I'm going to cut out the details. Suffice to say he walked me into his bedroom. The lights were off. here is where my life has seemed to change. I am a strong man. Always have been. but what happened next has literally wrecked me.
We laid on his bed. He took my clothes off and began to massage me. I rolled on my stomach while he used lotion to rub my back. In a little while he decided to go for me. I did not know what he was up to. He proceeded to enter me. The embarrassing thing was that it happened so fast and I was helpless. he was so big that the pain just shot right through me. I couldn't move to fight him off. I screamed and then began to cry like a little baby. I haven't cried over anything in years. he was hurting me so much that I was actually wailing. The more I cried, the more he got turned on. He kept pushing my face into the pillow to muffle me. The only good thing i guess was that he was so turned on, he came fairly fast. But even after he pulled out i just laid in his bed and kept crying for about 5-10 minutes.
During that time, he went to the bathroom and cleaned up. When he came back to the bedroom he was like a different person than the guy I knew for the previous month. He started calling me his bitch and calling my butt a pussy and things like that. I was so messed up in the head that the more he spoke, the more I cried. I have never been so humiliated in my life. When I saw his cock in the light, I actually felt ashamed of my body. The last thing he did to me was put it in my mouth. To be honest, I didn't even try to stop him by that point. I felt so totally broken.
I just was always the tough guy. I am still just a mess over this. I never thought I could be dominated in a sense. My dilemma isn't him. I never want to see or speak to him again. My dilemma is my psyche. I feel like a "sissy." has anyone ever had these types of crushing feelings? I'm lost.
Thanks
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