No where to go

[Wolf]

I feel like there is not one place in the world i'll ever feel happy. I've rarely felt happy since i moved to college. I miss my old life, in my old town, but this cannot come back. I don't like my roommates that much, and i hardly ever see my new friends i've made. I've gone several days saying maybe less than 50 words, i just feel so alone. But when i do see my friends, I just get so nervous and anxious, that i'll say very little, and in a quiet and hard to hear voice. Sometimes i have panic attacks. I used to have them and i learned to manage them, but now they're back.

And then I have problems with accepting myself. I feel like nothing i have to say matters, i don't feel like i'll ever be good enough to have a relationship with another guy, and I have never really liked my appearance. I don't think i'm ugly really, I just don't like that i'm so skinny that my bones hang out. Anymore, i just describe myself as the weak nice guy who has no backbone and is a loner. A sad, depressed loner who doesn't have any hope left anymore. Sometimes i've thought about ending it all, but i was raised to believe that's not the way, and its still a strong belief of mine, so i'm not in danger of killing myself. But i'm so lost, sad and lonely i don't know where to go or what to do.