09-16-2011, 07:13 AM
Hey guys, first post here. So I'm getting pretty frustrated with my dating life, and social life in general, so I came here to see if I could find any good advice.
My name is Kurt and I live in the Los Angeles, CA area. I moved here in 2006 and yet the number of friends I have and the number of dates I've been on could probably be counted on one hand. This was never a big concern to me from the beginning as I thought if I worked hard and kept my nose in the books during school, that it would all pay off with a nice job and then I could get to my social life later. This all changed about a month ago when my cousin, whom I was close to, died. It made me realize that I need to take things slower, and that life wasn't about material things but rather it was about the relationships and closeness that we feel with other people.
Currently I'm working a high stress, low paying job which eats up a lot of my time. Every day I pine for the closeness that other people enjoy with their friends and boyfriends. It is often a thought that sticks with me all day, and eventually makes me really depressed by the end of my twelve hour shift.
I've tried to meet other guys at gay bars and clubs, and have also done some searching online and through grindr. However, most of these experiences began with sex and typically ended that night. I also have a couple flings I get to see once every 1-3 months but there is just no one consistent in my life.
I recently became so fed up with my condition that I bought a book about gay dating. The book had a lot of great things to say but there is a lot that I feel is left untouched.
One of my biggest problems is the approach. When I go out and see an attractive guy I find I become a dear in headlights. I freeze up and my brain stops working. I want to go over and introduce myself but I'm fearful of rejection but even more fearful that I won't have anything interesting to say and I'll be seen as a boring person.
Any advice on "The Approach" would be most helpful.
But even beyond the approach I have problems. For the guys I do meet, I feel like they quickly lose interest. I get a guy's number I like and we start texting (usually initiated by me), but then after a week the feelings of "like" seem to become exclusive to only me.
For example. There is this guy I met (I forget how, but most likely on the internet). We've seen each other in passing a few times and exchanged pleasantries, I've even been into his work a couple times just to have a friendly chat. Well I asked him out for coffee earlier in the week but he had work, and today I tried talking to him through text but I only got two one word response from him. A straight coworker of mine says this means he isn't interested.
What do I do when the guys I like, who seem to initially have some interest in me, begin to lose interest and not want to talk to me anymore?
What am I doing wrong.
Thanks
My name is Kurt and I live in the Los Angeles, CA area. I moved here in 2006 and yet the number of friends I have and the number of dates I've been on could probably be counted on one hand. This was never a big concern to me from the beginning as I thought if I worked hard and kept my nose in the books during school, that it would all pay off with a nice job and then I could get to my social life later. This all changed about a month ago when my cousin, whom I was close to, died. It made me realize that I need to take things slower, and that life wasn't about material things but rather it was about the relationships and closeness that we feel with other people.
Currently I'm working a high stress, low paying job which eats up a lot of my time. Every day I pine for the closeness that other people enjoy with their friends and boyfriends. It is often a thought that sticks with me all day, and eventually makes me really depressed by the end of my twelve hour shift.
I've tried to meet other guys at gay bars and clubs, and have also done some searching online and through grindr. However, most of these experiences began with sex and typically ended that night. I also have a couple flings I get to see once every 1-3 months but there is just no one consistent in my life.
I recently became so fed up with my condition that I bought a book about gay dating. The book had a lot of great things to say but there is a lot that I feel is left untouched.
One of my biggest problems is the approach. When I go out and see an attractive guy I find I become a dear in headlights. I freeze up and my brain stops working. I want to go over and introduce myself but I'm fearful of rejection but even more fearful that I won't have anything interesting to say and I'll be seen as a boring person.
Any advice on "The Approach" would be most helpful.
But even beyond the approach I have problems. For the guys I do meet, I feel like they quickly lose interest. I get a guy's number I like and we start texting (usually initiated by me), but then after a week the feelings of "like" seem to become exclusive to only me.
For example. There is this guy I met (I forget how, but most likely on the internet). We've seen each other in passing a few times and exchanged pleasantries, I've even been into his work a couple times just to have a friendly chat. Well I asked him out for coffee earlier in the week but he had work, and today I tried talking to him through text but I only got two one word response from him. A straight coworker of mine says this means he isn't interested.
What do I do when the guys I like, who seem to initially have some interest in me, begin to lose interest and not want to talk to me anymore?
What am I doing wrong.
Thanks
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
