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I came out of the closet when I was 22 years old and it was after serving 3 years in the Army and I was close to getting married but just couldn't live that lie so I just ended up coming out to her and then eventually the rest of my family. I dated for like 6 years and then after my last boyfriend cheated on me I just pretty much called it quits with dating and all that. I am now 37 years old and have been single for like 9 years or so and I haven't been with anyone sexually as well. I think I may have fooled around a few times actually but it really must not meant that much because I can't remember if I have or haven't.

Yet once in awhile the desire to be with another guy will come along and I want so badly to just hook up with someone and have sex. Then part of me whimps out and doesn't do it and I end up just going to x tube or somewhere like that and jerking off to gay porn and then I am good for another brief time until the next time I feel like that again. I guess part of me fears that maybe I won't get aroused when I am in bed with another guy because it has been so long and then that guy will think that I am not attracted to him and not enjoying it. Then on the flipside I want to say something before we hook up then I think he won't be interested.

I mean I watch the gay porn and I think about how much I enjoyed being a bottom in the past and how I also enjoyed being a top as well. Yet most of my feelings gravitate towards being a bottom and having a guys cock inside of me, yet I haven't had a guy inside me in such a long time that I would need to be trained to get back into being able to take a guy again. I have a dildo and use it at times but thats not the real thing. I love who and what I am attracted to but I guess I just have a fear that I won't be able to step up to the plate and be able to perform like I used to when I was with boyfriends years and years ago.

Any advice is greatly appreciated
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Messages In This Thread
Up and Down - by Jason74 - 11-27-2011, 02:55 AM
Up and Down - by Bowyn Aerrow - 11-27-2011, 04:23 AM
Up and Down - by interesting - 11-27-2011, 04:26 AM
Up and Down - by LateBloomer - 11-27-2011, 04:36 AM
Up and Down - by Jason74 - 11-27-2011, 11:45 AM
Up and Down - by zeon - 11-27-2011, 03:15 PM
Up and Down - by interesting - 11-28-2011, 12:42 AM
Up and Down - by chillythoughts - 11-28-2011, 01:34 AM
Up and Down - by Jason74 - 11-28-2011, 08:37 AM
Up and Down - by fredv3b - 11-28-2011, 08:47 AM
Up and Down - by Jason74 - 11-30-2011, 07:30 AM
Up and Down - by LateBloomer - 11-30-2011, 04:41 PM
Up and Down - by Bookworm - 11-30-2011, 10:28 PM

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