12-05-2011, 05:51 AM
Hi all,
Please try not to hate on me too much. Though I deserve it, I'm in a rough state right now...
The Story ---
Last week I met a guy online and we hit it off. I met him the same day, we watched a movie, listened to music and chatted. We did everything after that. I met him again the a few days later and we had a good time again.
The problem is, I'm in what I thought was a committed relationship. I never thought I'd be able to go through with cheating on my boyfriend; let alone meeting the same guy twice... I went uptown to visit my boyfriend and tell him what had happened. Obviously he didn't take it well.
Him and I met this past weekend and were working towards a resolution. I let him read my messages, knowing that he would find out that I had met the other guy a second time; something I hadn't told him when I first said I'd cheated.
He's having a rough time dealing with it; neither of us expected I'd be able to do something like this.
The Background ---
I love my boyfriend, we get along great in fact. But we have had problems in the past like any couple.
They've always been rooted in a certain degree of sexual incompatibility. Anytime in the past we've tried to work this problem out, things have either stayed the same or changed only temporarily.
As far as I can see, for him sex is just getting off. For me its another dimension of a person you have to get to know and understand if you want to have a relationship with them. No matter what, neither of us has been able to change for the other.
This missing part of our relationship is why I looked to another guy. And the other guy was intimate. He was funny, friendly. I liked him. I like him. I could see myself with him if I didn't love my boyfriend.
Having read my messages, my current boyfriend is understandably fixated on the fact that what I had with this other guy was more than just a cut-and-dry hook-up.
What Does it Mean ---
I really never knew I could do something like this to myself or someone I love.
I don't know if I'm a bad person. I know what I did was wrong. I don't know if the blame is fully mine, my partners or a fault of how we've handled our relationship. Regardless, I know I have to take responsibility for what I've done.
The problem is I can't come to terms with what I've done. I can't even begin to understand how or if I can fix this.
My Boyfriend ---
My boyfriend is taking this as well as can be expected. We've talked and we're in a cool off period right now.
He tells me he wants to stay together, but doesn't know if or whether he can trust me again. He says his friends think he should break-up with me; "If I did it once, I'll do it again" they say.
He's also said he does feel that the problems in the relationship are partially to blame; that something lacking in what we have together was part of the cause. We both know I think that it was me who pulled the trigger on our relationship.
The Big Question(s) ---
I used to think I could never do something like this to someone I love. I know it was my decision, but I also know that what I did stemmed from a problem in our relationship; something we hadn't being able to work out yet.
How can I come to terms with what I've done? I can't look at myself. Everywhere I walk I can't raise my eyes above the ground.
What do I do with my boyfriend and our relationship? I don't know whether or not we'll make it through this. I want to and he wants to. But how can we piece it all back together?
Even if we can recover, I don't know if we should; I don't know if I can run the risk of hurting him again. He can't trust me and may never be able to again. I don't know if I can trust myself anymore either. If he doesn't forgive me and we break-up then at least he's safe and I can deal with my issues without hurting him anymore. What scares me is if he takes me back. How can i ever live down what I've done. I don't feel I still deserve him and I don't trust myself anymore. I really do love him, and I don't want to ever hurt him like this again.
What I'm afraid of is that the same problems that made me fool around this time will either make me do it again, or make me miserable in the relationship. I'm afraid that if he takes me back it might just be worse for both of us than if we end it now; even if it is a sad end for the good times we had.
What do I do?
Ceru
Please try not to hate on me too much. Though I deserve it, I'm in a rough state right now...
The Story ---
Last week I met a guy online and we hit it off. I met him the same day, we watched a movie, listened to music and chatted. We did everything after that. I met him again the a few days later and we had a good time again.
The problem is, I'm in what I thought was a committed relationship. I never thought I'd be able to go through with cheating on my boyfriend; let alone meeting the same guy twice... I went uptown to visit my boyfriend and tell him what had happened. Obviously he didn't take it well.
Him and I met this past weekend and were working towards a resolution. I let him read my messages, knowing that he would find out that I had met the other guy a second time; something I hadn't told him when I first said I'd cheated.
He's having a rough time dealing with it; neither of us expected I'd be able to do something like this.
The Background ---
I love my boyfriend, we get along great in fact. But we have had problems in the past like any couple.
They've always been rooted in a certain degree of sexual incompatibility. Anytime in the past we've tried to work this problem out, things have either stayed the same or changed only temporarily.
As far as I can see, for him sex is just getting off. For me its another dimension of a person you have to get to know and understand if you want to have a relationship with them. No matter what, neither of us has been able to change for the other.
This missing part of our relationship is why I looked to another guy. And the other guy was intimate. He was funny, friendly. I liked him. I like him. I could see myself with him if I didn't love my boyfriend.
Having read my messages, my current boyfriend is understandably fixated on the fact that what I had with this other guy was more than just a cut-and-dry hook-up.
What Does it Mean ---
I really never knew I could do something like this to myself or someone I love.
I don't know if I'm a bad person. I know what I did was wrong. I don't know if the blame is fully mine, my partners or a fault of how we've handled our relationship. Regardless, I know I have to take responsibility for what I've done.
The problem is I can't come to terms with what I've done. I can't even begin to understand how or if I can fix this.
My Boyfriend ---
My boyfriend is taking this as well as can be expected. We've talked and we're in a cool off period right now.
He tells me he wants to stay together, but doesn't know if or whether he can trust me again. He says his friends think he should break-up with me; "If I did it once, I'll do it again" they say.
He's also said he does feel that the problems in the relationship are partially to blame; that something lacking in what we have together was part of the cause. We both know I think that it was me who pulled the trigger on our relationship.
The Big Question(s) ---
I used to think I could never do something like this to someone I love. I know it was my decision, but I also know that what I did stemmed from a problem in our relationship; something we hadn't being able to work out yet.
How can I come to terms with what I've done? I can't look at myself. Everywhere I walk I can't raise my eyes above the ground.
What do I do with my boyfriend and our relationship? I don't know whether or not we'll make it through this. I want to and he wants to. But how can we piece it all back together?
Even if we can recover, I don't know if we should; I don't know if I can run the risk of hurting him again. He can't trust me and may never be able to again. I don't know if I can trust myself anymore either. If he doesn't forgive me and we break-up then at least he's safe and I can deal with my issues without hurting him anymore. What scares me is if he takes me back. How can i ever live down what I've done. I don't feel I still deserve him and I don't trust myself anymore. I really do love him, and I don't want to ever hurt him like this again.
What I'm afraid of is that the same problems that made me fool around this time will either make me do it again, or make me miserable in the relationship. I'm afraid that if he takes me back it might just be worse for both of us than if we end it now; even if it is a sad end for the good times we had.
What do I do?
Ceru
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