12-06-2011, 11:16 PM
I see even many here who want to go to church and I wonder why because I simply have no patience for it. Is it because you have family who goes and thus want to not be excluded? Is it because you think it pleases God/dess? Does it seems calming or comforting (and if so, how did it come to be so for you?)? Does it make you feel part of something bigger? Why wouldn't making a shrine to meditate before or doing spiritual works not do the same thing for you (especially if you had a few friends with you)?
The possibilities on why I'm different (I definitely seem to be in a minority) is perhaps because I was raised by 2 parents who usually mocked the churches. Like when churches had their panties in a bunch over protecting children from the subliminal promotions of sex by Pepsi when I was 7 they both got a bunch of pepsi and stacked it asking me what it said, and after they got me to finally read "sex" out loud they both laughed uproariously (neither were sober). They obviously had no respect for the anti-alcohol laws backed by East Texas churches, called Christians stupid (and they each went through a short lived Christian phase at separate times and got called stupid by the other at the time, and the one not Christian kept me from being dragged to church for which I was grateful even then), and Dad entered a lotto during the siege at Waco (betting on how many government agents and religious fanatics would die) and said feds & fanatics killing each other was a "win-win" situation. So in retrospect I can see how I was raised by example to view the church in a negative light (though Granny being a Christian, whom I respected far more than my 'rents, kept me from fully rejecting it at the time).
Though times spent in the East Texas Bible Belt and among some of the crazier, Satanic Panicing, Jack Chick loving Christians also pushed me away and to this day I don't know how many were psychotic and how many were just willfully lying (and if so, why), but I definitely wanted nothing to do with them. And they insulted each other as well which may also have contributed to my seeing them all as unpleasant (like Baptists would call Pentecostals nuts little better than snake handlers while Pentecostals considered Baptists spiritually dead, and both saw Catholics as pagan idol worshippers and Jehovah's Witnesses as unpatriotic scum who refused to pledge allegiance to the flag, as just one example). And the one time Granny took me to a Baptist church went badly (though it's an amusing story IMO if anyone cares to hear it) so I came to associate churches with trouble, not comfort. (I did have a positive experience with the Russian Orthodox church when I was 17, but it wasn't enough to make me want to join.)
One transcendent religious experience I had that I couldn't have on my own was when I was 17 and several Dianics met at an isolated beach and one sang The Burning Times, and then all the women began taking up the chant, "Isis, Astarte, Dee-ana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Innana!" I took it up with them, I FELT it, it was like we were all plugged into something bigger that united us into one bond, we were truly a Sisterhood blessed by the Goddess, whatever Her ultimate name. I sang out Freya a few times, and others sang out their own names, too, but overall, the chant was done by all of us, in perfect sync. It was an experience that was a lot like sex and better, the energy that we built up and then released, I felt as if I/We were Glowing. And I understood the appeal of that, because there was a sense of belonging to Something Greater (that imparted that Greatness onto me--not in an arrogant way, but I think it does make some arrogant), and I admit that sometimes I miss that feeling, because there was not only that bond, but that feeling that I was Greater than anything life could throw at me, and thus I felt more calm and confident as a result (though this feeling could conceivably lead others into dangers--like becoming a snake handler!). But it's enchantment would loosen on me, and as much as I liked the song I researched it back then and found that it's more fit to call it propaganda than fact (still, very nice effect on me then). So I wonder if people going to church (especially those that practice mind altering techniques like chanting, incense, fasting, etc) ever feel something similar, and thus its appeal.
Anyway, I shared the above because I think it can help understand where I'm coming from and/or why I'm different and thus better able to answer. I'm also hoping that people understand that my background does make it hard for me to understand (notable exceptions aside) and not that I'm just trying to give people who want to go to church a hard time. I genuinely want to understand, and I'd really like it if you could get your wish without having to see yourself as someone bad for doing so (one reason why I promote the UUs as well as openly gay friendly churches, assuming they're really gay friendly and not just "we'll tolerate you as long as you realize you suck and don't act on it").
Thanks
mile:
The possibilities on why I'm different (I definitely seem to be in a minority) is perhaps because I was raised by 2 parents who usually mocked the churches. Like when churches had their panties in a bunch over protecting children from the subliminal promotions of sex by Pepsi when I was 7 they both got a bunch of pepsi and stacked it asking me what it said, and after they got me to finally read "sex" out loud they both laughed uproariously (neither were sober). They obviously had no respect for the anti-alcohol laws backed by East Texas churches, called Christians stupid (and they each went through a short lived Christian phase at separate times and got called stupid by the other at the time, and the one not Christian kept me from being dragged to church for which I was grateful even then), and Dad entered a lotto during the siege at Waco (betting on how many government agents and religious fanatics would die) and said feds & fanatics killing each other was a "win-win" situation. So in retrospect I can see how I was raised by example to view the church in a negative light (though Granny being a Christian, whom I respected far more than my 'rents, kept me from fully rejecting it at the time).
Though times spent in the East Texas Bible Belt and among some of the crazier, Satanic Panicing, Jack Chick loving Christians also pushed me away and to this day I don't know how many were psychotic and how many were just willfully lying (and if so, why), but I definitely wanted nothing to do with them. And they insulted each other as well which may also have contributed to my seeing them all as unpleasant (like Baptists would call Pentecostals nuts little better than snake handlers while Pentecostals considered Baptists spiritually dead, and both saw Catholics as pagan idol worshippers and Jehovah's Witnesses as unpatriotic scum who refused to pledge allegiance to the flag, as just one example). And the one time Granny took me to a Baptist church went badly (though it's an amusing story IMO if anyone cares to hear it) so I came to associate churches with trouble, not comfort. (I did have a positive experience with the Russian Orthodox church when I was 17, but it wasn't enough to make me want to join.)
One transcendent religious experience I had that I couldn't have on my own was when I was 17 and several Dianics met at an isolated beach and one sang The Burning Times, and then all the women began taking up the chant, "Isis, Astarte, Dee-ana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Innana!" I took it up with them, I FELT it, it was like we were all plugged into something bigger that united us into one bond, we were truly a Sisterhood blessed by the Goddess, whatever Her ultimate name. I sang out Freya a few times, and others sang out their own names, too, but overall, the chant was done by all of us, in perfect sync. It was an experience that was a lot like sex and better, the energy that we built up and then released, I felt as if I/We were Glowing. And I understood the appeal of that, because there was a sense of belonging to Something Greater (that imparted that Greatness onto me--not in an arrogant way, but I think it does make some arrogant), and I admit that sometimes I miss that feeling, because there was not only that bond, but that feeling that I was Greater than anything life could throw at me, and thus I felt more calm and confident as a result (though this feeling could conceivably lead others into dangers--like becoming a snake handler!). But it's enchantment would loosen on me, and as much as I liked the song I researched it back then and found that it's more fit to call it propaganda than fact (still, very nice effect on me then). So I wonder if people going to church (especially those that practice mind altering techniques like chanting, incense, fasting, etc) ever feel something similar, and thus its appeal.
Anyway, I shared the above because I think it can help understand where I'm coming from and/or why I'm different and thus better able to answer. I'm also hoping that people understand that my background does make it hard for me to understand (notable exceptions aside) and not that I'm just trying to give people who want to go to church a hard time. I genuinely want to understand, and I'd really like it if you could get your wish without having to see yourself as someone bad for doing so (one reason why I promote the UUs as well as openly gay friendly churches, assuming they're really gay friendly and not just "we'll tolerate you as long as you realize you suck and don't act on it").
Thanks
mile:
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
