Dumped 2 Months Ago And Feeling Really Down Now

[RegularNiceGuy]

So my boyfriend of 8 years dumped me 2 months ago because he "needed more." He had planned a trip to Florida for both of us and a week before I found out from work I didnt have the time to go. He was pretty upset and we got into a huge fight and he hit me (I hit him back, and held him down until he calmed down). He said he needs more, a guy who is going to travel with him blah blah blah.

So the first few weeks I did well. I started dieting and going to the gym everyday. Ive lost 10 lbs. When my gradfather died a couple weeks ago he called and left a message saying hes still here for me and I should give him a call. And then on Christmas he sent me a text saying "merry MERRY Christmas." like he was being goofy, which is what attracted us to each other.

But the last week or so, I've been so down. Feeling so awful. It just keeps going over in my mind how badly he treated me. I was loyal and stood by him, always there for him when he wasnt "feeling like himself." I even stood by him after he crashed his truck one drunken night, despite the fact that my brother was killed by a drunk driver. I still stood by him and helped him recover.

Im just so...depressed. I feel like crap. To have someone who you were with for 8 years, leave you because he "needs more." What kind of crap is that?

And this always happens after he takea a trip to Florida. Its like he sees what is down there and its this wonderful paradise, then comes back up here to reality and takes it out on me. He broke up with me last year to pursue a relationship with a guy from florida but came back in January after he realized it wasnt going to work out.

I'm just crawling out of my skin right now with anxiety.